Gobbledy Gook

Some quick thoughts:

• I glanced in the mirror today and my hair looked like I was wearing a wig and it was a good inch and a half off center.
• I wonder if my old cat Jake knows he's gone deaf or if he thinks I am just pushing the vacuum cleaner around without turning it on.
• What do hardcore PETA vegans feed their cats?
• This is why youtube exists:

Consumer Advocate? Uhm, no

As my own personal consumer advocate, I'd like to write a letter to Proctor & Gamble about their Bounty paper towels, but I know it would turn out bad. Like when I wrote to Warner Lambert telling them their tv ad sucked and I had a much better idea. This was regarding their stupid ad that showed a whole family disappear into hiding in a kitchen when the mom pulled out the Listerine. That commercial. . . okay I sat here for five minutes trying to think of a better description than "sucked," but I finally gave up. What happened was, I started getting a milion e-mails with happy cartoons about dental health and questionnaires and coupons and whatnot. And I posted about the time I wrote to the S.C. Johnson company with a simple question and got 4 pages of legal papers. And no they weren't a "Cease and Desist Order." They also send me e-mails called "The Clean Home Journal." So I know if I write to Proctor & Gamble nothing good will come of it. My only hope is they have a person whose job is to monitor the internet to see what people are saying about Proctor & Gamble (that's three) and they will come to this page and learn that THEY NEED TO FIX THE PERFORATION MACHINE FOR THE BOUNTY PAPER TOWELS.

Gardenias Have a Gardenia Smell

I keep getting new people and losing old people on my Meals on Wheels route and I realized today that I was still relying on street signs and house numbers which is not my normal M.O. So I spent the drive trying to memorize landmarks, like "turn left at the Long John Silver's" and "turn left at the Just For Brakes." And trying to remember houses with things like, "this one has two trees." I'm also terrible with names and faces and had an embarassing experience today. A truck pulled up at one man's house just as I pulled up, and a man got out. I thought, "Is this the man?" My brain works in context. In my mind, this man is inside this house and sitting in that chair in the corner so I can't picture him outside in daylight walking. But since he is walking with a cane I figure it probably IS him, so I try to act like I DO know it's him without totally assuming it's him. So I say, "Hi! Let me help you with that door." I figured I needed to let him go first in case it IS him. And it was. I need to start looking at people. I'm sure it stems from my whole social phobia thing. (But I always remember bartenders.) I'm always better when I've had people for a while, but practically everyone except Myriam is new. I think I've been to this man's house 5 times, whereas I've been to Myriam's house more than 300 times.

~ ~ ~

One of the new ladies I got earlier this summer lives near a school zone and I didn't notice, because it was summer. So all of a sudden there's this flashing school zone sign telling me to go 20. I wasn't thrilled. I usually barrel down that road. The cool thing that happened was I went to a lady's house that I've been to maybe 4 times and noticed what I thought were gardenias. "What is this?" I thought. Gardenias are not Texas friendly. The bright white flowers SMELLED like gardenias but it didn't seem possible. And this was like a 4' x 4' bush. A lady answered the door and I asked, "What are these flowers?" She said, "Gardenias." I said, "But my Mom said you can't grow gardenias in Texas." That bush was TEN YEARS OLD! I'm going to study that sucker. I know it was facing north and against the house, but I'm going to check for shade and whatnot and try to see if I can find a spot here to plant one in April. Oh and they gave me one. I've been sniffing at that thing all day. Mmmmm.

Beach Pictures

I think you should be able to see the beach pictures here. Do not go there looking for serious photography or you will be gravely disappointed.

Yay! I'm Home!

I am SO tired and SO happy to be home! I have certainly realized that My Sweetie is the only person on Earth that can tolerate me over any period of time. The last couple of days it became a running joke that we all could not tolerate each other. Mothers and daughters, whayyagonnado? And I was both.

I had a great time and I have a million stories. And LOTS of pictures. I got to visit with both Kim and Lo. I had awesome seafood. I had some hushpuppies that were so good we called them crackpuppies. And I'm not even a bread eater. I saw A LOT of deer. Or maybe I should say I had many deer sightings, since they weren't wearing name tags. For all I know I saw the same six deer many times. And bunnies. Big brown bunnies. Oh, and one of my latest spoonerisms was, "I want to see some beer and dunnies!"

I didn't realize how much I annoyed my Mom. And you guys didn't help. Whenever I would say Josie this or Jeanette that and Mom would ask who that was, I'd say, "That's one of my blogger buddies," and you could almost hear Mom's eyes rolling into the back of her head. Like when a child has imaginary friends, I guess.

Tomorrow I'm going to figure out how to put my pictures on a Flickr slideshow thing.

Tonight I'm just going to enjoy being home.

Not what I would have ordered

Not all projects are fun

Last Monday, when I was putting on the clean sheets, I noticed A VERY IMPORTANT THREAD had unraveled on my box spring and was exposing the poor thing to the world. I figured it was a little project and I would take care of it on the weekend.

(My Sweetie was the hand and toes model)

I found out that it was not a LITTLE project. It took almost two hours to sew that thing up. It was very tedious and boring. Fortunately, I have a small TV in my bedroom and had it tuned to HGTV. Nothing will give you more determination to take care of your home than watching HGTV. I do not recommend trying this with a regular straight needle. Fortunately, I had a curved upholstery needle. And super strength thread. It came out okay. It's weird that I always have all the stuff I need for odd projects.

Today I will be packing for my trip to N.C. I leave in the morning. My Mom has a laptop (shudder) so I will try to keep up with my favorite bloggers. I can't wait to see the ocean, celebrate my daughter's birthday (Thursday) and see my very bestest friend on Saturday. Woo hoo! And you guys don't have to say "have fun!" because most of you already have. But you can say, "Nice sewing!" Ha ha ha. That's just rude of me. Well it did take almost two hours.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Dad

8-18-36 ~ 10-12-98

A Mini-Holiday

My Sweetie has taken today off (I'm assuming this will show as a Friday post, since it is after 2:00 a.m.). We are going to do some museum hopping. First, The Modern Art Museum to see Ron Mueck's freakishly lifelike sculptures and then, to the Science Museum to see the very cool Star Wars thing. Then we will stop by the Kimbell for a poster (I've been redecorating my guest room and am going with just 3 museum posters for wall decor). My Sweetie wants to get..... Okay, I went to look up the correct spelling of the poster he wants and realized that it is not at the Kimbell, it's at the Amon Carter museum which has been closed for most of the summer and does not reopen until Saturday. Hmmmm, maybe I can talk him into The Cardsharps. The poster he wants is Martin Johnson Heade's Thunder Storm on Naragansett Bay. (Wow, the picture came out tiny!)

Anyway, I hope we have fun and it doesn't lightning on us. I hate that. Thanks again for all the comments on my pictures from the last post and have a great weekend!

Vandom and Rarious Musings

I realized today that I don't honk at people anymore, because when I decided to honk at the brainless fool that stopped in the road to turn left INSTEAD OF GETTING IN THE MIDDLE TURN LANE, I didn't know where my horn was. And I bought my little truck 2 1/2 years ago! I can't believe I haven't honked in 2 1/2 years. I guess this medicine really works.

Here are some pictures of Rufus and Barney playing. They go at it non-stop. I think keeping Barney was really a gift for Rufus. He finally has someone to play with.


This next one is going to be my new "me" picture. It was taken about 6 hours ago. I'm not one of those weirdos that's going to post a 10-year-old picture so I'll look better. (Well obviously, LOL!)

Everything seems to be going well for the trip. I feel so stress-free it's almost stressing me into thinking I must be forgetting something to be stressed about. Which makes no sense at all, really. Oh and didn't Tyler do a great job on my hair today?

Leave That Off My Plate

For years I thought Nokia was pronounced "no-KEY-ah," but it is not. According to the radio stations here it is pronounced "NO-kya." That sounds like a vegetable you wouldn't like as in, "I'll have the chef's special, but I'll take a side salad instead of the nokia."

Latest Spoonerisms

I was trying to describe the movie Smokin' Aces and I said:

"Apparently a bunch of people run around killing each other in vandom and rarious ways."

~
We watched "The New Adventures of Old Christine" tonight and My Sweetie said, "I thought I had seen this one but I haven't. It's weird because I remember that one whole scene." I said:

"You probably saw it on a clip when Julia Louis-Dreyfus was on Lennerman or Leto."

More about The Trip

Apparently my step-dad has decided that three generations of us is one or two too many and will be vacating the premises, so instead of the little $25 dollar a night guest cabin, we will stay with Mom in her Fancy Beach House.

Fancy Beach House, front view.

Fancy Beach House, rear view.

Mom has the world's largest green thumb and is an incessant gardener so I imagine everything will look a lot different this year. These pictures were taken last July. It's very nice inside and I love the screened porch. I practically lived on that thing last year. It's nice to sit at the little table out there drinking a beer, listening to the radio and browsing the internet. And the beach is just down the road.

Lo and Me: sunning at Surf City, July 2006

I Love The Beer

Now That I Have The Map Thing Down...

Josie asked about my next trip. My daughter will be 23 on the 23rd and wanted to see Mom's (Grammy's) place near the North Carolina coast, so that's where we are going. We're going on Tuesday the 21st and returning on the 26th. Mom and my step-dad have a 5th wheel that they were using to travel around the U.S. and then decided to park it semi-permanently near Wilmington. The initial motivation was that my grandmother was in a nursing home there and Mom was helping her sister with her care. Grandma died last August, but they decided they loved the area and there they are.
It may look like a long distance from Mom's place to the beach but it is about 6 or 7 miles and takes about 10 minutes. It is also pretty close to Wilmington which has lots of cool stuff.

If you are unfamiliar with North Carolina here is the big picture:

Their camper is bigger than you might think. It has pull-outs, which is hard to explain, but two sections pull out and make whole rooms. We are actually going to stay in the "guest cabin" that the park offers to residents' visitors. I don't know much about it, but I imagine it will almost feel like camping to me because I usually stay in 4- or 5-star hotels. I think it will be fun, though, because:

1. I get to see the ocean
2. I get to spend time with my Mom and my daughter (we have a funky dynamic)
3. Lolo is coming down for the weekend
4. Kim may come to see me
5. I get to have she-crab soup at The George on the Cape Fear river
6. I LOVE THE OCEAN (especially the Atlantic Ocean)

I'm going to look for another swimsuit this weekend but I'm pretty much set. I also have some acquaintances from my childhood that have a summer place just north of Surf City so I hope I get to see them too. I wrote about my trip last year here. I never did do the second part. I guess that was a luxury of having hardly any readers at the time. So Josie, that's my next trip. I guess you're sorry you asked!

Crazy New Route

I had only 6 Meals on Wheels people today, but they are REALLY spread out. The "start" on the map above is the church where I pick up the food and the "finish" is the last house on the route. I actually live about 12 miles east of the church. It was strange today knowing that I would never be stopping at Bertha's house again. I was all "Oh, I can go right here now instead of left." I wasn't even sure that I was picking the best course today, but after looking at it drawn out like this, I guess that's the best way to go.

Now that my trip is less than two weeks away, I finally started doing some preparations. I bought some cute tops today and took some white jeans that I bought a year or two (or three) ago to a tailor to get hemmed. I also made an appointment to get my hair newly furbished. I can't wait to hear the roar of the ocean and the squeaks of the seagulls. Yay!

Congratulations, Lo!

Lolo with her nephew in April

I just wanted to say congratulations to my best friend Lolo! She signed the papers today to buy her first house and will be closing on the 30th. Lo, I'm so proud of you buying a house by yourself at 31. You really deserve this and I know you will turn it into a masterpiece. Please be sure and take lots of before and after pictures. I wish I could be there to help with everything. I'll get back there eventually! You GO girl!

No Anxiety Today

I was so glad I got up and went to Bertha's funeral today. I've mentioned several times that I suffer from severe anxiety/panic disorder and have come very close in the last 8 years to not leaving my house at all. The medicine that I've been taking for 3 or 4 years works well but anxiety attacks are similar to a man's impotence: the fear of it happening again can MAKE it happen again.

A few minutes ago I was thinking about how easy today was and I was wondering why I never felt panicky or nervous and then I remembered something: My daughter was with me. I don't know how brain chemicals work but I have always been fine - even at the worst times, when my daughter is with me. She was resentful when she was 14 and 15 and I insisted she come to the grocery store with me, but she grew to understand that if she did not go with me, there would be no groceries. Now that she's an adult she has told me that she resented my "weakness" and then developed sympathy over time. I can't explain why her presence dispels my public anxiety. It's not like we are the best friends in the world. We've definitely had our ups and downs and have learned to avoid certain topics of discussion. The only thing I can figure is that I produce some sort of "Mom chemical" when we are together that neutralizes my "panic chemical." I wish I could bottle it and spray it on myself when I have to go out.

My Sweetie and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum at The Movie Tavern tonight and that also went very well. I used to make a secret wish that the chemical changes that come with menopause would effect my "crazy chemicals." Maybe it is happening. And on that weird note, I'll leave you with an awfully cute picture of Barney:

Things I don't get #236

I watch a lot of HGTV , which is the Home and Garden Television channel in case you live in a cave. If my TV is on during the day, that's what is on it. My husband? He's not a big fan. However, he will watch "House Hunters" and "House Hunters International" with me, because he has an interest in the housing market. No, not a financial interest, more like a strange hobby type interest. Well here's the thing I don't get: People complain when the master bathroom does not have double sinks! What the hell is that all about? Do couples actually share the bathroom? AT the same time!?! I haven't shared a bathroom with a husband since 1988 and that's the year we split up. Besides we had only the one bathroom. I've noticed that it's the people with the $400,000 to $1 million budgets that complain about this the most. And the houses they are viewing have 3 - 4 bathrooms. Do people actually have to brush their teeth at the same time in the same bathroom? If bathrooms were meant to be shared, I would think they would have two toilets in them. Is it just me? Do people really do their bathroom stuff together? After ranting about this A LOT, tonight when we were watching "House Hunters International," and the wife said, "There's only one sink." I turned to my husband and he was giving me a funny side-eye look, so I didn't say a word. I guess at this point, I don't need to.

It's all fun and games until.....

I wanted to tell you about my Meals on Wheels/eye "surgery" day yesterday but after Benny called I wanted to do a little tribute to Mrs. T. Thanks for your nice comments. It was truly her time to go and I like the way they did it at home with hospice. I will miss her, though. The last thing I said to her was. "Have fun wherever you go."

The Wednesday stuff actually began Tuesday night. We were watching Letterman and at 11:00, I said, "Oh, pause, I need to get my cell phone. Kate's going to call in the next 20 minutes with some excuse about why she is not coming over." Kate is my daughter who promised to go with me to the doctor to get that skin tag removed. Since she started working 2-11 p.m., she keeps crazy hours. At 11:10, the phone rang and she said, "I WAS going to come right over but Justin is moving tonight so I'm going to help for a while." So now on top of worrying about the needle in my eye I was wondering if she would be able to wake up on Wednesday. Somehow I slept just fine.

I called Kate's cell at 10:10 Wednesday morning and she didn't answer. I hung the phone up and thought, well I guess... and then the phone rang. A very sleepy Kate said she'd be over on time. We got a good start, but when we got to the church to pick up the food I had two new people. And we were short two meals, but we had three extra cold breakfasts. I figured I would give two people two cold breakfasts instead of their lunch and a breakfast. Our very first stop was a no response. This means I then have to call them and if they don't answer I have to call MOW to report it. This takes a little time. But it gave me an extra meal. Next was a new guy and I fell madly in love with his dog. It was a black and white border collie named Jack. He was SO sweet and while I was petting his head, he put his little paw up for a shake. This may not sound like a big deal to you guys but I've always been afraid of dogs. Not this guy. Anyway after that everything was going fine and I told Kate, "Since we will be going west instead of east, let's change this up so we can go to Mrs. T.'s house last." I was happy that she was still on the list. Her son told me he would not call MOW to cancel until she died so I knew she was still alive. The last stop before Mrs. T. was a new person and she was a no response also. It's pretty rare to get two in one day. So I went through the protocol and we headed down to Mrs. T.'s house. By now I had a crazy amount of food. I think I had four or five cold breakfasts, a bag of rolls, about 7 bananas and one cold salad lunch. I asked Benny if he would like all the food and he said yes. There were four ladies sitting at the kitchen table as I was unpacking the food. I said, "I had already planned to bring any extras over here, but I've never had this much extra stuff in almost 7 years." One of the ladies (I think it was Mrs. T.'s daughter) said, "The Lord works in mysterious ways." I visited with Mrs. T. for a few minutes and we had to book. We still had to eat lunch and the appointment was at 2:10. I think it was now 12:30.

We hit highway 35 south to go downtown and it was crawling. I'm sitting there looking at the downton buildings trying to do the math and said, "I think as long as we're there (8.0, our lunch destination) between 12:45 and 1:00, we'll be fine. I'm glad this appointment is for 2:10 instead of 1:50 like two weeks ago." Kate was all, "What? Why didn't you tell me!? I thought it was for 1:50 all this time.THAT'S TWENTY EXTRA MINUTES." I just laughed and said, "Yeah, I guess I should have mentioned that." So we finally get to the downtown exit and are starting to relax and then when we turn to go to the parking lot there is a big ole ugly "LOT IS FULL" sign. Then we miss a turn to go to the next closest lot and have to go down and make turns to get back that way. We finally got parked and got to 8.0 just affter 1:00. We were all relaxed now and then I said, "Do you remember how to get there?" She looked at me like I was insane (which I may well be). I said, "Yeah, I didn't think about that but I bet when we get back to the truck and look at the mapsco I'll remember everything." After lunch we headed west and spent the time saying stupid stuff like, "Yeah, I remember we turned left here." Then (DUH!) I remembered his card was in my purse. That helped. I think we walked in at exactly 2:10.

I took a tiny nap in the waiting room because I have "waiting narcolepsy." If I am sitting and waiting I will fall asleep. Sometimes it's embarassing like that time in Discount Tire Warehouse. That's also why I can not sit in the waiting area at the airport when I travel alone. I have missed one plane and came very close to missing another one. Oh, okay, back to the doctor's office. They finally called me. We were only in there about a minute when he came in to shoot me. It happened really fast, but I was very concerned because he did not clean or swab my eyelid before giving me the shot. I tensed up so much that I got cramps in both shoulder blades and my right bicep. He said he'd be back in 5 minutes. I asked Kate,"Isn't that weird that they didn't clean my eyelid first?" She said, "Maybe they don't expect people to come in here for eyelid surgery wearing eyeshadow." I said, "Maybe it's because I so artfully apply make-up, he didn't think I was wearing any." Oh, I forgot to say that this whole time Kate was randomly reading out odd stuff from a magazine. When a nurse had come in earlier Kate said something (from the magazine) about buttermilk. The nurse said, "That's got the most calories of all." I sat up thinking, "This is a NURSE?" and told her what buttermilk was. jeeeez!

The clock kept ticking and I said, "Well he missed the 5 minutes, I hope this shot doesn't wear off." (Because I love ending sentences with prepositions, sort of.) I noticed there was a little portable stereo in the corner with a rack of CD's on the wall. I asked Kate to check to see if there was anything besides Jimmy Buffet over there, not that I hate Jimmy Buffet, it's just that was the only name I could make out from where I was. She picked out Andrew Lloyd Webber's "The Broadway Collection." The doctor finally came back in and it felt like he put tape over my eyebrow. He said, "I saw this show in New York and here in Fort Worth, 'The Phantom of the Opera' " I said, "That's not from Phantom. That's a song from "Evita." He said, "Really?" Kate and I both (and maybe the milk-stupid nurse) said "Yes!" Then he asked, "Do you know who played Evita in the movie?" I said, "Madonna." Then Kate said something about Madonna and then the doctor said, "Okay, that's it." Kate and I had been holding hands but she wasn't looking because she watched the shot part and that was all she could take so then we were both, "What? That's it?"

We ran two quick errands and stopped in at Italianni's for a beer and then the Xylocaine started to wear off. Ouch! It felt like someone had touched a lit cigarette to my eye. So then I tried to remain expressionless. I took some Advil when I got home and it hasn't bothered me since except when I accidentally touch it. But it looks like I got in a fight. I should have had My Sweetie take a picture. Maybe I can take one.

More Tomorrow

I lost one of my original Meals on Wheels ladies tonight. She was 97 and had been dying for some time. She had her last "surge" on Thursday, the 26th and went to bed and never woke up again. Her son had called me on Monday night so I didn't know if I would ever see her again. My daughter and I stopped by today. There was a vigil going on, and she was still breathing. I stroked her hair and spoke to her as did my daughter. She was such a sweetie. Every Wednesday for nearly 7 years she told me I was beautiful and often asked to touch my hair. She really loved my hair. Her English waned over the seven years and I would use what little Spanish I knew if her son was not there to translate. She was a lovely lady with a great sense of humor and I will miss her. A lot.