Smells Like . . .

Except on Meals on Wheels Wednesdays, I usually start my day around noon and stay up until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. I also drink a lot of beer all day. I don't ALWAYS remember things I do at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. I got an e-mail the other day from a large big city newspaper asking my permission to publish my letter in their letters column. I had to go to my sent folder to figure out what the hell they were talking about. I can't say anything about it because I think they are going to use my real name.

A couple of weeks ago, again in the middle of the night, I got the great idea to send a suggestion to the S.C. Johnson company. About a week later I got a four page legal packet in the mail that contained

IMPORTANT INFORMATION

(yes it was in 36 pt. red all-caps boldface type) telling me how to legally submit my idea, along with a release form. I laughed and laughed. This line killed me:

Only those ideas with a patent or patent pending

application will be considered.

I don't have a copy of my "original idea" because I just filled in a box on their website, but I'm pretty sure it's not something you can patent. It was this:

Why don't you guys make a spray that smells like cedar?

That would be nice.