Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Getting Around Better

Jake in the Bag (ca.1997)

Some things I was wondering about today: What's the thing with cat hairs? How are they able to weave themselves through cloth? I swear, next time I have a long flight, I am going to take a piece of soft cloth and a cat hair, set them on my lap and discover how this happens. Or maybe I'd need a time lapse camera. No that's not true, because the one that had woven through my house pants today was not there 2 hours earlier. Seriously how are they doing that? It's kinda freaky.

Also I was thinking about retirement homes. I guess that comes from being in a wheelchair and feeling so confined. My daughter's old elementary school is located next to a retirement home. Actually the home is adjacent to the large field/playground area. I've always wondered if the residents of the home find the sounds of children playing joyful or if it depresses them or both. Maybe some residents love it and some hate it. If I were an old geezer in a nursing home, I think I'd like the sound. I wonder if modern nursing homes offer internet usage. That would be interesting. I used to go Christmas caroling at nursing homes with my girlfirend's CYO group. I guess that was between the ages of 13 and 16 or so. I don't remember excactly, but I really enjoyed it. (I also went skating with them and to dances. I spent a lot of time in CYO activities for a non-Catholic!) When Kate and I were taking all those dance classes in the 90's we did a few shows at nursing homes. The residents genuinely seemed to enjoy the performances and the men REALLY loved the belly dancing number. Maybe it was just the costumes. I'll post a photo some day of me in my middle eastern attire.

My Broken Foot/Wheelchair status: The cat news is interesting. I had posted earlier how Jake was avoiding me like the plague. Here are the phases Jake went through: 1: Plague, i.e. not being in the same room with me. 2: Staying about 5 feet away and keeping any object or person between us. 3: 3 foot perimeter 4: sit at my feet when I had been still for a while watching TV. 5: No fear at all (DANGER WILL ROBINSON) - I was in mid turn last night, he did the bow down stretch with his front paws between the front and back wheels. I froze. He casually strolled between the wheels, sat down and began to groom himself - UNDERNEATH ME IN MID-TURN!! So now I have to really keep my eye on him. Tomorrow before my shower, I'm going to take him for a ride. That should be funny. Also I solved the living room dilemma. My Sweetie had pulled the coffee table really close to the couch, to give me lots of maneuver room. It was all crowded and he kept banging his knees. Today I came up with a killer idea. Oh and we used to always eat dinner sitting on the floor around the coffee table, so that was all messed up, too. Well, tonight I had him move the coffee table into the library and bring the glass top cafe table from the patio (I cleaned it up in the kitchen first and there WAS a tiny spider on it!) Now there is all kinds of leg room in there and I can eat in there again yay! Also I know I mentioned I had found a better way to get in and out of the shower. Well that still involved putting SOME weight on the broken foot. I solved that also!! I've just been thinking like a crazy person with all this thinking! I simply put my knee (of the broken foot) down on the little vanity stool and then put my good foot down in the shower. Now I won't dread showers so much. YAY! I don't know why I never considered using my knee as support. Now I want to invent some device you can put your knee in (with your leg at a 45 degree angle) and just walk around, being careful of course of the bottom of your leg and broken foot sticking out back there. Sounds feasible. Well, and a little bit crazy.

Other stuff: My groceries were supposed to come this evening and as I was waiting for the truck I realized I had not gotten an e-mail receipt. I called and they said they did not get my order. I had ordered these Sunday night. Well thank goodness, my order was still up online. So I actually ordered some more stuff - the stuff I had forgotten - so I will have my groceries Wednesday night. The last time I had a computer problem with my order, I called and they said, "Yeah we got it. You can just sign out." So when it gimped up on me Sunday night I just assumed it was the same thing. When will the human race stop assuming things? What's wrong with us??

Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Turkey was Moist (I love when that happens)

Thanksgiving went pretty smoothly. My daughter was able to wheel me right out the front door straight to Kurt's car. It was weird being out for the first time since I broke my foot. And at the last minute I decided to wear a tennis shoe on my good foot. So all afternoon I just kept thinking, "I have on a shoe." It was weird. I was pretty much stuck near the front door of the house as my mother-in-law sets up long folding tables down the center of her living room. It was easy enough to get to the bathroom and also to crutch out the front door for a smoke - there was a bench right there on the front porch. Lisa's two oldest kids were at their dad's so only two-year-old Adam was there. He is so cute and entertaining. It was really nice to see My Sweetie's aunt and uncle again. I've always like them. They are only about 7 years older than me. We're meeting them tomorrow night for dinner out and they fly back to Michigan on Tuesday. And the food was excellent. Kate made my plate and knows I like tiny portions but I still couldn't eat everything.

When we left, we all headed over to Mom's. We were in two cars and they followed us. It was great to see Mom again, and although Kate and Kurt hated it, I was really grooving on the smell of fresh paint over there. Now I want to paint a room, just for that "new room smell." Mom got me a Bert's Surf Shop T-shirt from Surf City, N.C. and some Duke socks. Not to mention my two cases of Sea Dog Blue Paw blueberry wheat ale. Oh and two cans of Mrs. Fearnow's brunswick stew. I love that stuff. Brunswick stew is not a food known to Texans. I'm going to have to find a good recipe on the internet and just make my own.

We were both exhausted today. I was moving so slow today that, after My Sweetie got home (yes he had to work - he's in the retail business), he kept jumping up to push me around. He said I "looked pitiful." Tomorrow we're going to get our hair done and then go out to meet his aunt, uncle and mom for dinner. So I guess on Sunday we will be tired and pitiful again. At least my hair won't have roots. They are pretty bad right now.

I finally came up with something fun to do for my 45th birthday in April. That's the first day of the Main Street Arts Festival in downtown Fort Worth. It's a Thursday so it won't be overly crowded and the bathrooms will be relatively clean. My Sweetie is going to take the day off. I'm thinking about having a T-shirt printed that says "Halfway to 90." 45 seems SO OLD. Oh well.

Sports News:
Duke finished up the NIT pre-season tournament tonight with a REALLY tough win over number 11 Memphis. And De Marcus Nelson is out with a fractured (hairline) ankle bone. The initial reports were an ankle sprain, so this really sucks. The good news is Coach K said Memphis was the most athletic team we would meet all year, and we DID win although it was tooth and nail. Oh and Shelden Williams was the tourney MVP and had 30 points in this game. Woot woot!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanksgiving 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

Actually that picture kinda creeps me out but it's also funny. So today will be my first day out since I broke my foot. I imagine I will be exhausted when I get home. Or maybe just so glad to be home I will get all energized. We had fun making the deviled eggs tonight (Wednesday night, I am up late as usual). We were getting so irritated because they would not peel well. It made us laugh at the futility. Some of the eggs may look like asteroids, but as My Sweetie kept saying, "They will still taste good."

Some other bloggers were listing things they were thankful for. Most of it was the usual stuff: friends, family, home, etc. I think people forget to be thankful that we live in a country where we barely even think about things like toilets, running water, electricity, refridgerators. I mean, I know lots of other countries have all that too, but so many villages and towns across the world do not have ANY of the wonderful conveniences that we are used to. I'm grateful every day that my food, hell even my make up, has been inspected to make my life easier. I wish everyone in the world could experience all the basic things that we never even think about.

I guess my "Thankful For" list is:

  1. My Husband
  2. All the rest of my family (the ones I like)
  3. My health
  4. My home
  5. My cats (still miss you Sammy)
  6. The ease of American life
  7. Ice cold beer (oh come on, I couldn't stay serious that long!)
I hope everyone has a good day. Don't eat too much.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Foot News and the Secret of My Deviled Eggs.

I love this picture of My Sweetie and me from 1996. The Saturn dealer took it of us and his new car.
MS has asked to not be pictured on my blog, so I made a happy face for him.

I'm driving My Sweetie's mom nuts. She seems put out that I haven't been to the doctor for my foot. Actually she wanted me to go to a HOSPITAL. That just kills me. I did go to a hospital three times for things, but they were extreme curcumstances. And those three don't include going in the ambulance after the car accident, going to have a baby, and going in for my scheduled abdominoplasty. One of those times was when I re-broke my arm 6 months after my car accident. So I have experience in re-breaking bones. I KNOW I re-broke my foot in the same place because every single aspect of it is the same. I also know from that first experience that if you break the same thing THREE times, then you need a pin. For that I will go to the doctor. I guess for some people it just ain't so unless a certified doctor says it is.

My daughter came over about 6:00 pm Monday night and did a lot of cleaning for me. Then she helped me with dinner, and ended up spending the night. Today she helped me with lunch, straightened the guest room up again, helped me get set up for my shower and emptied the dishwasher again, oh and even did the handwashing of the teflon pots. Just as she was leaving this afternoon, I said "Thanks so much for all the help, I really appreciate it!" She said, "Well it's the least I could do for someone that used to wipe my ass." I don't know why, but that just cracks me up (no pun intended). The whole time she was here, she insisted on pushing me everywhere even though I've been getting around for days now. What I really enjoyed was giving My Sweetie a break. He's been so helpful.

Tonight I made an easy dinner that didn't use any handwashable pots, so the kitchen is already clean. That's nice. Tomorrow night we are going to have delivery or fast food (I want Taco Bell) and make a giant batch of deviled eggs for Thanksgiving. It's supposed to be 80 degrees tomorrow and then something like that on Thanksgiving. This is good because I will not have to wear a shoe on my good foot. It's like a third hand at this point. I'll be riding over to my In-Laws with my daughter and her friend Kurt. My Sweetie has to go a lot earlier because he will be picking up his aunt and uncle at the airport. We live REALLY close to the airport - we take a back road in and don't even get on the highway - so it only made sense for MS to pick them up. The thing was they get in at 11:30, and no way would I be ready to go then. I'll ride back with My Sweetie and we'll stop by Mom's. Yay!

Oh something I don't think I've mentioned is that one of the things my Mom brought back for me from N.C. is two cases of Sea Dog Blue Paw wheat ale. It's not a N.C. product. It's actually brewed in Maine, but it's not available in Texas. Basically it's like drinking a blueberry muffin. Those things are DELICIOUS! The label is cute too. It's a brown labrador wearing a yellow rain slicker and hat with some blue on his paw. If you're ever on the coast and get the chance, you have to try one. I wish I could buy it here. Yum City!

And now for the secret of my deviled eggs: Instead of salt and pepper use Cavendar's All Purpose Greek Seasoning, and in addition to regular yellow mustard, use smaller amounts of Grey Poupon dijon mustard and Inglehoffers' sweet hot mustard. And there is mayo in there too for the texture. That's about it. Oh and if you insist on a "topping" use Chipotle Chili powder instead of paprika. If you make them at Christmas, do every other egg with the Chipotle and every other egg with dill weed - you know for the red and green. I call them my "Three Mustard Eggs." They are very popular. If you try it, ENJOY!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Having Limits Has Its Limits

So basically it has been three full days in the wheelchair, four full days with the broken foot. I've gotten pretty good at organizing my efforts. I think out every "trip" in the wheelchair to get the most out of it. For example; if I want to go to the guest room to smoke, I will wait until I need to use the restroom. Sometimes I will just stop in the middle of a hallway and have a zone-out rest moment. I DO have the showering figured out and it is a lot easier now. I also looked at my foot after the shower and it is still icky looking - pretty much light gray with dark gray under the toes. Oh my knuckle swelling went down, but the blue-gray coloring is much larger now - about the circumference of a drink coaster. My hand matches my foot.

I made dinner again last night and cleaned the kitchen afterwards, but tonight My Sweetie said we would order food. I am going to cook again tomorrow night though. Also I looked at some broken bone sites on the internet and one of them said that bones begin to knit immediately after being broken. That sounds good.

My Mom has finally made it back from her "cross country" trip. Today was her birthday but she didn't want to do anything because they had their house painted while they were gone and she was exhausted from putting everything back in its place. We're going to my mother-in-law's for Thanksgiving, but will stop by Mom's on the way back. She brought me some stuff back from N.C. so I'll get to pick that up as well. So I guess Thursday will be my first day out. I think I'll call my Meals on Wheels people this week and wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and tell them I'll be gone for a while. One lady in particular worries about me if I forget to tell her that I'll have a sub that week.

I strapped a fanny-pack on the back of the wheelchair to carry my 7 essentials: carmex, kleenex, wet naps, a nail file, the phone, dental floss, and some Altoids Raspberry Sours. I started thinking that probably no one else on earth would put those exact 7 things in their wheelchair "backpack." They say fingerprints are unique, but I bet everybody's "7 things to have at hand" would also be different.

And Now For My Sports News: My Sweetie went to the Dallas/Detroit game today with some co-workers and vendors and wore his Lions shirts. Yes, shirts. He wore one on top of the other. Unfortunately for Sweetie, the Lions lost, but I could tell he had a blast. I was worried that the Cowboys fans might get "put out" by his being a Lions fan, but he said he had no trouble (and it probably helped that the Lions lost). Duke also won again on Saturday. It always takes me a while to get to know the freshman, and three of them are getting a lot of court time, so I'm starting to catch on. It looks like Coach K is grooming Paulus to be the next point guard - he's also a kick ass 3-point shooter, McRoberts is a big inside guy, getting rebounds, blocks and inside scoring and Pocius was a standout too although I can't remember why right now. Maybe it was just because we couldn't figure out how to pronounce his name. It's not what you would think.

I put a lot of thought into my post titles and I was mad that I forgot to title the last post. It was supposed to be "My Wheelchair Travails" I could go back and edit it, but I've had bad luck with that just like with the spellcheck on here.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I HATE crutches. I've never had to use them a lot, but the times I did I hated them. So I borrowed My Sweetie's Mom's wheelchair (she has had occasional foot and back surgeries so doesn't use it on a regular basis). Well as much as I love the mobility - I can go almost everywhere in the house - I didn't realize how dangerous these things were. I have bruises on both outer sides of both knees, I have a humongous knuckle lump from crashing into a door jamb. You know how knuckles have an indention between them? Well the whole area around my right index and middle fingers, extending down to the middle of my hand (larger than a silver dollar in circumference) is one giant blue mound. And I've hit my (good) left foot with the front wheel about a million times.

Well if you read the last blog, I was obviously being overly optimistic about a sprain. I re-broke it. When I took my shower this afternoon and peeled all the protective coverings away from my foot, there were those same bruises that I had forgotten about (well it was more than 5 1/2 years ago!) But as soon as I saw the strange dark bruises at the base of my last three toes, I thought, "Oh yeah, I remember that!" And the whole outside half of my foot is light gray. It's not pretty, but I think my knuckle looks worse.

Taking a shower was quite the adventure. MS came home to bring me lunch and I had him put one of those resin patio chairs in my shower, along with various other things that I thought would help. The part I didn't work out was getting out of the shower. I actually sat back down in the "shower chair" wishing I had a beer and cigarette to keep me company as I pondered my predicament. I did have my cane there and finally realized I was going to have to put SOME weight on my foot to get out. Now I don't freak out about putting a tad bit of weight on it when it's wrapped in sock, ace bandage, and rocker boot, but this was a bare naked foot. I finally figured out a weird maneuver where I put the broken foot out with the cane, held onto the shower door and quickly pulled out the other foot, pivoted and sat on the edge of the tub (the tub is right across from the shower). So then I sat there for a bit pondering my next move. This went on and on until I finally got to the bathroom door where the wheelchair was waiting. Yeah the wheelchair does not fit through either bathroom door. I didn't even know they were smaller.

One of my favorite things about this house is the thick carpet padding. Nice for most things, not so good for wheelchairs. And we even had rugs on top of the carpet in two rooms. They have been rolled up and put aside. We have hardwood floors in the hallways and working around two outside walls of the living room, so I can FLY on those (that's how I busted my knuckles). It's sort of like you have been driving on a gravel road and then you get to a brand new highway. Zoom zoom zoom. Oh and I figured out how to get through doorways easily without my hands on the wheels. YAY!

The good news is I can do a lot of things in this chair that I could not do on crutches: I've cooked dinner once, emptied the dishwasher once and even hand washed my teflon pots. Not to mention move from room to room without feeling like my arms are breaking. (Did I mention how much I hate crutches?) And the guest bathroom is easy. I just wheel up to it, park, grab my cane and use the long counter for one side, the cane for the other. I do miss going outside. If I miss it enough, I'll use the crutches.

The cats are really funny. Jake, the big orange tabby that usually spends his time (when not sleeping) following me all over the house all day long, like a dog, avoids me like the plague. I think he thinks I'm on a riding vacuum cleaner that just hasn't been turned on yet. The shy cat, Lilly, actually came up to me tonight to be petted. Cats are weird.

Well I think I'm going to check the internet to see how long it takes foot bones to knit.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Magic and Mayhem

That's what my rocker boot looks like except it is gray (and doesn't have a #5 in a black circle at the tip). I was going to post about my wonderful "Meals on Wheels Wednesday" day out with my daughter, but I injured my foot tonight and am not a happy camper. I broke this same foot in February or March of 2000. I broke the long bone on my right foot that runs to the pinky. According to Gray's Anatomy it's called "the 5th Dorsal Interosseous," if you're into that sort of thing. I don't think I broke it again, but it hurts in the same places. I put on my rocker boot and pulled out my old cane. I was walking along the side of the house to bring some plants into the garage from the back yard. It was a dark and stormy night, a shot rang out, someone screamed. Oh wait, that's not what happened. It was dark though and they issued a freeze warning on the 10:00 news. I told My Sweetie, "We need to put those plants (from the deck) in the garage." So out the side garage door I go and in the dark I stepped on a border/edging thing and my foot went all out of place and painful all at once. At first I was just limping but it got gradually more and more painful. On a scale of one to "Oh Holy Fuck," I'd say it falls in the "Oh Holy Fuck" category. I'm not going to go to the doctor because if it's broken he will just tell me to wear my rocker boot and stay off of it and I already figured that out. I will give myself $25 and save a lot of time. My Sweetie filled an ice chest with beer for me before he went to bed so I have my beer sitting next to me. That part is good.

Well I just finished another beer and will go ahead with my MOW post. Kate came over for dinner last night and spent the night. We had a lot of fun looking through her trunk. It's a trunk of little treasures and papers I've saved since she was born. Her "writings" were just killing us, we were laughing so hard. MOW was pretty normal except I accidentally gave a diet meal to a regular person and was trying to explain to a diet person that I made a mistake and not to eat the dessert. Her English is limited so I told her son and he said, "She eats sugar all the time." I felt bad, but they both assured me it was no big deal. She IS 97. If I were 97, which I actually hope I will never be, I will eat anything I feel like eating. Oh and we had a note AGAIN saying to watch for route changes. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is tough enough because we have to deliver the extra holiday meals. I hope they don't do anything weird to my route.

Italianni's was wonderful again. The food was excellent. I am so in love with their house dressing. Chris, the magician did lots of tricks for us. Kate was so impressed she called friends to go tonight to watch Chris perform magic from six to eight at Itallianni's sister restaurant in south Arlington. We had a great time. I got home and straightened up the house and turned on ESPN to watch Duke play Seton Hall, but after my day of partying, I crashed on the couch. Duke played great but it was almost hard to watch (I did wake up eventually) because Duke trounced them 93 to 40. OUCH. Then we had the killer extended Lost episode showing the backstory of the "tailers." It was an awesome day until my foot hit that piece of edging. I'm hoping it's a simple sprain. I'll just take it easy for the next couple of days.

Stupid foot.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

On the Game, Seasonal Change, and Names

I was very excited about seeing the first Duke game of the season. I took my shower and put on my first T-shirt of the season - I only wear my Duke T-shirts for games - and was ready for a blow out. Well OMG. The game started and we could not hit a shot. I was shocked at 0 for 5. I did not expect to see 0 for 7. We not only could not score but never got an offensive board. It was starting to make me crazy. Finally on the 8th miss, we got a put back by our freshman McRoberts to finally score at the 16:18 mark. I kept waiting to see what I call "some Duke Basketball." We only made 3 3-point shots the whole game. Not only that but J.J. Redick missed TWO free throws. This guy was a 93.8% free throw shooter last year. Like My Sweetie said, better to have a game like this now than later. No shit. It got better but it was never great. We did win 64-47. I guess I just expected more. The next game in this tournament is Wednesday, so I guess we will have to record Lost on our crappy VCR.

Today was the changing of the sheets. I always wash the sheets on Mondays. Today I washed and put away the bright white "spring/summer" sheets and put the sage green "fall/winter" sheets on the bed. I like change. Well predictable change i guess. Seasonal change. Like "the changing of the shoes," although we've had so many warm days, I'm still wearing one pair of my summer shoes a lot. I did put the others away and my poor cold weather shoes are just waiting patiently for their turn to go out.

The song "Jackie Blue" is playing and it made me realize that no one names their daughter Jackie anymore. There was a whole slew of them in my grade and the next couple of grades down. I guess since they were all born in 61 and later they were probably named after Jackie Kennedy. It's weird how names come and go. My Mom's age group was drowning in Helens, Bettys, and Shirleys. My name didn't become popular until the 80's. I never even met another person with my name until I was 17, although there was one actress on TV with my name. There were several in my daughter's class. I guess my Mom was just ahead of her time. Guys names have changed too, but not as sharply. I mean from my youth to now. From my Mom's era though it's a whole different story. Not a lot of Harolds, Howards or Walters walking the halls of our country's elementary schools right now. But then again we're not seeing a lot of Jerrys, Marks, Bills or Jays either. Those were very common names for boys my age. I think someone should name their kid Howard. That would be cool. Or hell, have a boy and a girl and name them Howard and Jackie. At least you'd be able to find them in a crowd.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Sundays Come and Go so Quickly

This computer (I have a Mac in another corner of the room) sits in the far northwest corner of the house. Something was making a lot of racket over my head. It was pretty loud, so I thought it was in the attic. I poked the ceiling and got no scurrying response. Plus being in the very corner, means little or no space right there. I don't know roofing terminology, but the roof slopes to the corners from all four sides. So, I grabbed a flashlight and went into the backyard, wondering if I was going to see a smallish escaped lion or something pacing up there. There was nothing. I only heard a slight sound after I came back and now, nothing. My bad, there it goes again. What the hell is it? Squirrels sleep someplace at nigh,t right? I know we have possums, but I don't think they are roof dwellers. I suppose it could be a raccoon. Do they climb trees? There IS a tree right there, so anything that climbs trees could get there easily. I guess I'll never know.

I had a lazy day. Got up, had a Taco Bueno lunch, laid on the couch and watched (and occasionally nodded off to) Meet the Fockers. It wasn't bad, but nothing really stood out to me to remember (like a scene from The Simpsons tonight did). Just as The Fockers ended Kim called. This is the same Kim from this post: "Love, What does it mean?" She is my friend Jeanette's little sister. I love talking to Kim on the phone. She is actually living in the town where we met, although she has lived other places in between. We always make each other laugh. Two years ago, Thanksgiving weekend, she joined Lolo and me for one of our Vegas trips. It was her first time. She was fun. That following April, I flew back to N.C. and Lolo and I drove down to Goldsboro for her wedding reception. That was a fun party weekend. Like a regular crazy fun wedding weekend without the wedding part. The last time we had talked she had told me a hilarious story about her daughter and an expression she had used and I told her that My Sweetie and I have already started using it. I've been trying to get her to come for a visit for ages now. It's strange being friends with someone I've known since I was 11, but I guess other people do it all the time. Especially people who don't move a lot.

After my phone call, I started my roast and we watched The Deep. MS had never seen it before. Although I have seen it many times it had been a while and I had forgotten some details. But it sure has almost every movie cliche. The directing was so, I don't know, predictable? In that they may just as well have put Pop-Up Video type balloons saying things like "this guy's gonna betray you!" and "Watch for something to jump out HERE!" Oh well, it was great to see Robert Shaw being, well just being Robert Shaw - almost the same character he played in Jaws, but then The Deep and Jaws were written by the same person.

Kate (my daughter) had e-mailed me about dinner and I had plenty for three so I said "Come on down!" Okay I didn't say exactly that. She also said she has Wednesday off and will definitely drive me for Meals on Wheels. Woo-hoo! During and after dinner we watched those Saturday Night Live specials and they brought back a lot of memories. With the exception of my freshman year in college, I have pretty much seen nearly every episode of SNL since the very first show. Oh and my roast was delicious.

After Kate left, we watched WSOP on ESPN2. I get so tense just watching these strangers play poker on TV, I believe if I were in an actual tournament my heart would burst. When I play in a casino, I always play limit. The cheapest limit there is. They really are two very different games and I will admit I wouldn't have a clue how to play no limit. I mean I watch Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo, so I have a CLUE, I just don't think I'd enjoy it all. Limit I can play. If you're ever playing hold'em on Yahoo late at night (or as some people call it, early in the morning), I play as "Thebeerisforme."

Oh that moment on The Simpsons tonight that really got me? The Simpsons are going for a fun day at a beach carnival type place which is just being torn down to build condos. Two demolition guys are about to push the plunger thing to dynamite a small building that says, "Knock over the bottles, win a stuffed bear." The whole thing explodes, bears fly around, the dust settles and the 3 milk bottles are still perfectly stacked in their little triangle shape. THEN they (the demo guys) start hitting at the bottle stack with iron sledgehammers and it's just "clank, clank" and the bottles don't move. That really hit my funny bone. I must have laughed for 4 minutes straight.

Random thought of the day: The only indoor plant I can grow and not kill over a period of time is the Pothos (or Lucky Ivy). If this plant is so tough why have I never ever seen it growing in the wild? And I've been to Hawaii!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Late Saturday Night (Okay Early Sunday Morning)

I finally talked to Jeanette the other day. After she trained in Houston with FEMA (I'm just guessing here because I forgot to ask, so I'm just assuming it was FEMA) she was dispatched to New Orleans. So I didn't get to see her and she will NOT be here for Thanksgiving. The cell reception in New Orleans is insane, we got disconnected every couple of minutes. One time I asked her "So is he your boyfriend's son or stepson?" then there was a click and a man said (in a suggestive tone), "I don't know. Which one would you prefer?" So after about 3 or 4 call backs I gave up. She said she had been staying in a tent with about 100 people but after her boyfriend trained in Irving, Texas, he showed up and now they are living in his camper. I can't wait to hear the whole story.

I also talked to my Mom and Step-dad today. I didn't get to wish him a happy birthday yesterday (Friday), so I was calling to do that. I asked him about his birthday and he said there was a large crowd at a seafood restaurant. All of his surviving brothers and sisters and his son were there. I was so happy for him I got teary-eyed. For years now the only people he had to celebrate with were my Mom, my husband at the time, myself and my daughter. It must have been quite a big birthday for him. He told me it was the last one he was going to have. I said "Birthday or birthday party?" Thank goodness he meant party. They are leaving Monday to head back this way. It's weird how we can go weeks without seeing each other, but when my Mom is out of town, I miss her like crazy. Mom also told me about her dinner with my brother, his wife, and my two nephews. I'm not going to go into that because I haven't addressed my brother thing yet (or his wife). At least I don't think I have, I'll have to go back over my posts. Man is THAT a story. A LOT of stories.

Lisa, my sister-in-law came over around 10:40 tonight. She's almost telling the same stories with the ex-husband/visitation/wicked step-mother stuff that I already lived through many years ago. I wish I could have offered her some advice, but in reality, it's just a situation that's out of your hands. All that stuff went away for me three years ago when my daughter turned 18. YAY! With a capital YAY!! Poor Lisa, she has a LONG time to go. But she had a good time here. We are fun and goofy people to be around and make you forget your troubles.

If you are at all interested in behind the scenes movie making stuff, this site is killer:

Take a Peek at the Superman Returns Video Blog

I watched it all last night and was spellbound. I know some people don't want to "peek behind the curtain," but I love to know how everything works.

Totally random thought of the day: I think it would be funny for a woman my age to say "Don't make me get all menopause on your ass." I hope I get a chance to use that some day. Maybe I should make T-shirts!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Too Much Time on Their Hands

Okay this is really weird:

Although I can't see any practical purpose, it is kinda cool.

Friday, November 11, 2005

It's Veteran's Day

See if you can outsmart your foot.
You can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor andmake clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your righthand. Your foot will change direction!!!

I thought that thing was hilarious. It's also funny watching someone else try it.

MOW went fine. Nothing about my route was different, but the other drivers were there because the food van was late and they said there were only 3 routes, so maybe they actually opened up a new area. The weirdest thing that happened was a squirrel ran out into the street toward the car in front of me and I thought he was a goner, but it actully looked liked he bounced off the car tire and then ran back onto the grass. It was hard to even figure out what I had just seen. Another weird thing is that nearly everyone in Texas speeds. Well at least here in the metroplex. But there is this one stretch of this one road, that everyone goes way under. The speed limit is 40 there and people always drive 35 or lower. I can't figure it out. The first couple of times I thought it was just my bad luck, but after 4 or 5 times, I've realized it's just something weird that can't be explained.

Italliani's was really nice again. Chris, the magician "taught" me a trick. I emphasize the word because, although he showed me, explained everything, and showed me again, it was pretty much the same as watching a guy build a platform bed on HGTV and then thinking you can build one too. I worked and worked at it but I still can't do it. It was very frustrating. The food was great as usual, and everyone was very friendly. It's nice to have a new fun place to hang out.

This is something cool I found out about on Wil (the Star Trek Guy) Wheaton's website:
I think I HAVE to have one.

Nothing much else to say. Happy Veteran's Day. (Salutes.) And Happy Birthday to my Step-dad. And he was a Marine.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Jail Tales: PART I

I've been in jail twice. It's nothing to brag about or be proud of but it makes for amusing life experiences, not to mention funny stories. At the end of the summer in 1980 my Mom and I were not getting along very well. I decided it was time to go back to N.C. to live with my Dad for a while. I had spent that whole summer clubbing and dancing and was of course hit by the harsh reality that was Durham, North Carolina. I finally found one dance club. My friend Chief said he would take me. I forget the name of the club. For some reason, we took my Dad's Thunderbird. The Thunderbird of that era was a huge car like a Lincoln Continental, not the small sexy sports car from American Graffitti.

Chief always had speed. Black Beauties. I wasn't a speed freak or anything. I was one of those social/party/casual drug users. Anyway Chief had some speed. And I took one. And then later another one. And here I need to backtrack about something else.

That whole summer in Texas, I worked by day as a groundskeeper at my parents' country club. Almost every night I went out with Karl. On Monday nights we went to a drive-in movie, and Tuesday through Saturday we went dancing. Sometimes we saw a movie. (Actually this is the guy that turned me onto Star Wars when he practically forced me to see Return of the Jedi. Yay Karl!) Well at some point I misplaced my driver's license. Instead of just going to get a replacement, which would be the logical thing to do, we decided to save time and Karl gave me an old license that had belonged to his sister. We looked enough alike that I never had a problem with it.

Okay so here it is a few months later. I had the fake I.D. and I was partying at this club in Durham. At closing time, it seemed pretty obvious that Chief was in no shape to drive. The only problem was I really didn't know my way around Durham. Except for driving to work and to school, two years earlier, I was usually a passenger. So we're going along fine and we come up on a light, which is green, and Chief says "Turn left!!!" I start to turn left and he says, "No Wait!! Not here!! The next light!!!!" Well some cops saw this wonderful manuever and pulled us. I did not pass my street test.

We get to the station and they gave me some jail garb. I remember thinking it looked like a McDonald's uniform. I am sent into a small restroom to change. I decided I needed to hang onto my money. Remember this was 1980 and all the movies in the past 10 years portrayed cops as crooks. So I stuffed my cash in my panties and put on my McDonald's uniform. The trickiest part was my one phone call.

I didn't want to call my Dad because I was booked under a false name, so I called my old high school boyfriend. Since a cop was standing next to me, I used the name on the false license, because I knew he would recognize my voice. It went something like this:
Me: Hi HSB! This is "Linda" (the name on the license), I'm in some trouble.
HSB: Oh shit, did you get a DUI?
Me: Uhm, yes, this is "Linda Smith" Remember Linda Smith?
(My biggest concern at this point is they would come to post my bail and not remember my "name." And yeah at this point I should have just fessed up to the cops. For some reason I thought the false I.D. thing was worse than the DUI. And according to the report, I WAS drunk.) Anyway he figured it out, and I told them to come and get me in the morning.

So now I went to the jail part of jail. The part with bars. And criminals. The only thing I remember about that night was that the regulars don't like being awakened at 3:30 in the morning. Oh, and that sleep is not so good on a one inch pad on a metal shelf, in a scary jail, when you're drunk, and you've taken some speed. Yeah, that's not good sleep.

I wake up (or come to) the next morning because someone is shaking me and telling me it's time for breakfast. So I'm not hungry (did I mention the speed?) and become very popular as I give away everything but the orange juice. The eating section is a communal area of metal picnic tables outside of the sleeping cell area. But now I'm totally paranoid about the money hidden in my panties. What was I thinking? was what I was thinking. After I drank my orange juice, I went back into my cell to lie down on my metal slab.

The #1 pastime in jail is to ask, "What are you in for?" I had told my story 3 or 4 times already about how I was driving "JUST FINE" and Chief made me swerve with his bad directions. Well as I was lying on my slab, I heard a woman say she had been there longer than anyone. She was asked how long and why. She said "Two months. I found out my man be cheating on me and I went crazy. I had some scissors in my hand and I stabbed him with them scissors." Someone asked, "Is he in the hospital?" She said, "No, honey, he dead." I can still hear those words in my head today. No, Honey, he dead.

Well, finally "Jingle Bells" - that's what they call the lady with all the keys - came to get me. She brought my clothes in a brown (grocery type) paper sack. One of my cell mates grabbed the sack and pulled out one of my beloved red suede 3-inch heels (remember I had been at a club) and said, "Where's the other one? I'm taking these." I looked through the bag, but the other shoe was not there. She didn't believe me and snatched the bag from me. The shoe still wasn't there. Then she threw the shoe at me and said, "You're lucky the other one's not here!" I got dressed and walked out barefoot carrying the one red shoe. My HSB was waiting for me.

Some Rare Ranting

I'm usually not much of a ranter, and I'm not even sure that's a word, but I thought I'd do this one ranty (still not a word) post. I read this in the IMDB news:

Paltrow Replaces Hurley
Gwyneth Paltrow is replacing British actress Elizabeth Hurley as the face of Estee Lauder perfumes. Hurley, 40, has been the face of the luxury cosmetic brand since 1995 and will continue in her role as spokesmodel. But the lucrative fragrance contract has been passed to Paltrow in a bid to help the company "vamp up its image and make it more sexy." A spokesperson says, "Gwyneth is new and a bit more exciting." Celebrated photographer Mario Testino has shot a high profile advertising campaign starring the Shallow Hal actress.

Okay, Gwyneth Paltrow is neither sexy, new, nor exciting. I know she has a huge fan base from Shakespeare in Love, and I'll admit I did not see it, but watching the trailers of her singing karaoke with Huey Lewis in Duets made me gag. She has one expression: lifted eyebrows like a scared and lost waif, and one look: scared and lost waif. That one dress that she wore to the oscars that showed her sad little boobs was nasty:

I'll never understand A: What her fans see and B: What Estee Lauder was thinking. Actually it might be interesting to see if the magic of lighting and air brushing can make her look decent. And that's all I have to say about Gwyneth Paltrow.

Another actor I do not like is John Heard. All through the 90's he harassed, stalked and hit Melissa Leo, the mother of his son. And according to the article below it went on for years. He was charged and I believe convicted and got the proverbial wrist slap. Most of the story is here: and starts about 3 paragraphs down. But people keep hiring him. It makes me sick. He was just on "Numb3rs" Friday night. There was a funny moment though when he appeared on screen. My Sweetie immediately turned to look at me, waiting for a reaction.

I'm ranted out now. I'm very excited that the first televised Duke basketball game is one week from tonight. Woo Hoo! Also I finally got my library cleaned up from all the mess of having to return a lamp. I still can't understand why I couldn't fit all the styrofoam peanuts that came out of the box back into the box. Did they grow? Do they expand? The Lamps Plus people were very nice about the return, so if you want a lamp, I highly recommend them.

Food Stuff: Bisquick has a new recipe on the back of their box for chicken fingers. They were great. I'm a very good cook but have never had a lot of luck with boneless, skinless breasts. I overcook them or something. They are always dry and tough. This recipe is error proof. The only thing is it calls for 3 breasts. I used 2 large and it was A LOT. I guess they mean 3 small breasts. Also if you've ever used the oven fried chicken recipe (which is now printed inside the Bisquick box) add a little cinnamon, garlic powder and onion powder and it almost tastes like KFC. It took me years to figure out that cinnamon was that special oomph in KFC chicken.

I apologize for any glaring typos, but the spell-checker on my blog is cursed and does weird things. I expect it has something to do with our pop-up blocker.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Fun Wednesday! Now with Brand New Socks!

Correction: In my post from last Wednesday, I incorrectly stated that Italianni's was a small chain owned by the TGIF (Friday's) people. They dismantled the chain 3 years ago and the lone Italianni's in Hurst, TX is now privately owned.

Meals on Wheels was pretty much uneventful except for the note attached to my route sheet saying that they were adding a route and to look for changes next week. "Adding a route" basically means adding a driver. This usually means I will have less people. I had 11 today. On the other hand it may not affect me at all. I just hope they don't remove me from the people I've had for 5 years. I've had several route changes over the years, some were bad and some were GREAT, but I've always had those 2 original ladies since the day I started. Oh, and one of my very regular regulars was not on the list. Sometimes that just means they called ahead because they had a doctor appointment. But usually if someone stays off the list 3 or 4 times in a row, I never see them again. I only know of two that have died for sure, but I'm sure several others probably have. Some were moved into nursing homes, and some were just injured and recovered - like a lady I had in one of those halos. Those things are funky wicked looking.

Well my decision to make Italianni's my new Wednesday lunch destination was probably the best idea I've had in a very long time. Their web site won't be winning any awards ( but man is it a great place to hang out. I met the owner (that's how I found out it was a private company) and he was cute and really nice. You can tell by the workers' interactions with him that he is a great boss. The cool bartender from last week is named Bobby and is married to a really pretty girl that was hosting and also waitresses at night. I discussed movies with one of the waiters who became my bartender at 4:00 - Brent. I sat between a friend of the bartender and an off duty waiter and we all talked about goofy/funny stuff. I even told my new Texas redneck joke. Everyone there was SO friendly. Another waiter, an exotic looking guy with a ponytail did some David Blaine type card tricks/sleight of hand stuff that completely blew me away. And I was watching his hands and those cards like a HAWK!

(Me watching magician's hands)
I didn't catch that guy's name but he was really good. One guy said he had seen him levitate a table. Apparently he only works at the restaurant a couple of days a week and does magic on the weekends. And I got to see it for free!The off duty waiter's name was Paul and he had lived in Maui for a year. I was there last year and My Sweetie grew up there in his elementary school years so it was fun to talk about Hawaii stuff. And a cute little waitress guessed my age as 33. I laughed so hard, she tried again and said, "Thirty-eight?" I said, "You are going to be mentioned on my blog tonight!" It was a great afternoon. And hell, I haven't even mentioned the food yet. I had Italian sausage ravioli and it was exquisite. Everything made fresh from scratch, and those lovely tender pillows of yum were bathed in a killer white sauce. Did I say how delicious it was? I could probably eat that every Wednesday. I told them all that I was afraid that after having such a wonderful afternoon that I might be let down next Wednesday and they said, "No, it will be just like today." Wow. It was like dinner and a show with a party. I can't wait til next Wednesday!
Tonight we watched Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. It is by far the best of the prequel trilogy. I really love the last 20 minutes or so. It's fascinating how much Ewan McGregor sounds like Alec Guinness. Oh I also talked to my Mom again today. We talked yesterday and they are at Surf City, N.C. for the week. A childhood friend of my brother is the editor of the Jacksonville Daily News which is not only just 20 minutes away, but they also have a house at the beach there so I called his wife and they are all going to get together. I mean I just saw Elliot at my Dad's memorial service 7 years ago, but he and my Mom have not seen each other in probably 32 years. Boy will they be surprised! I can't wait to hear about it. And I'm so jealous of all the fresh seafood and North Carolina barbecue she is eating. I asked her to freeze some barbecue for me. Yum, I can't wait til they get back.
Well, that was my fun Wednesday. Oh yeah and I got to wear brand new socks and panties. Life is good.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Some Things That Amused Me

I LOVE Herman Posted by Picasa
I saw a commercial today for a little kids' dance video, it showed all these little kids dancing in front of a TV set with some sort of cards or mats on the floor to learn some steps. In a little disclaimer at the bottom of the screen it said, "TV and DVD player not included." I'm glad they cleared that up. I guess that means the five children ARE included.
Have you ever had a bad Karma laugh? We were watching My Name is Earl tonight (which if you haven't seen yet, you should really make a point to catch), and a commercial for the 10:00 news came on. The line was "And a woman runs over an auto mechanic after he gives her her bill." I burst out laughing and could not stop. I felt bad about someone getting hurt but I could not stop laughing.
We were watching Nova, and the narrator said something about, "...longstanding tribal rivalries..." and I was going to tell My Sweetie that I bet he couldn't say "tribal rivalries" 3 times fast, but I found out that I can't say it once. For some reason "rivalries" turns into "robberies."
My father-in-law sent me some hilarious one-liners:
>Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
>Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
>"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common? " Well, "It's Not Unusual."
>Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
>I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
>A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
And this is a joke my Mom sent:
A couple, both rednecks from Lufkin, Texas, had 9 children.
They went to the Doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed."
The Doctor asked why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this?
The husband replied that they had read a recent article, that one out of 10 children born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby,
because neither of them could speak Spanish.
I was playing poker last night on Yahoo and this girl started messaging me. I usually just let people think I'm a man, so the horny guys don't get all flirty. Well I was gonna just brush her off but she was VERY persistent so I finally had to tell her I was a woman. Later I was in another room and I decided to go out for a smoke. I typed "Time for my 4 minute break so the warden can check to see what I've been doing." I thought it was really funny. I was laughing and laughing. When I got back I found I had been booted from the room.
I'm looking forward to Meal on Wheels tomorrow because I get to wear new panties and new socks. I really love all my new socks. As rarely as I go out it will take me a while to get to wear them all. Also, I'm going to make Italliani's my new Wednesday lunch place. I can probably eat Italian food every Wednesday for at least a year. Or until I get a crappy bartender.
I thought my spell checker was broken and then realized "Ahmal" was on here 3 times.
Wendigo! (and why is my return not working today - how annoying!)