Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Some Things That Amused Me

I LOVE Herman Posted by Picasa
I saw a commercial today for a little kids' dance video, it showed all these little kids dancing in front of a TV set with some sort of cards or mats on the floor to learn some steps. In a little disclaimer at the bottom of the screen it said, "TV and DVD player not included." I'm glad they cleared that up. I guess that means the five children ARE included.
Have you ever had a bad Karma laugh? We were watching My Name is Earl tonight (which if you haven't seen yet, you should really make a point to catch), and a commercial for the 10:00 news came on. The line was "And a woman runs over an auto mechanic after he gives her her bill." I burst out laughing and could not stop. I felt bad about someone getting hurt but I could not stop laughing.
We were watching Nova, and the narrator said something about, "...longstanding tribal rivalries..." and I was going to tell My Sweetie that I bet he couldn't say "tribal rivalries" 3 times fast, but I found out that I can't say it once. For some reason "rivalries" turns into "robberies."
My father-in-law sent me some hilarious one-liners:
>Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
>Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
>"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common? " Well, "It's Not Unusual."
>Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
>I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
>A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
And this is a joke my Mom sent:
A couple, both rednecks from Lufkin, Texas, had 9 children.
They went to the Doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed."
The Doctor asked why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this?
The husband replied that they had read a recent article, that one out of 10 children born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby,
because neither of them could speak Spanish.
I was playing poker last night on Yahoo and this girl started messaging me. I usually just let people think I'm a man, so the horny guys don't get all flirty. Well I was gonna just brush her off but she was VERY persistent so I finally had to tell her I was a woman. Later I was in another room and I decided to go out for a smoke. I typed "Time for my 4 minute break so the warden can check to see what I've been doing." I thought it was really funny. I was laughing and laughing. When I got back I found I had been booted from the room.
I'm looking forward to Meal on Wheels tomorrow because I get to wear new panties and new socks. I really love all my new socks. As rarely as I go out it will take me a while to get to wear them all. Also, I'm going to make Italliani's my new Wednesday lunch place. I can probably eat Italian food every Wednesday for at least a year. Or until I get a crappy bartender.
I thought my spell checker was broken and then realized "Ahmal" was on here 3 times.
Wendigo! (and why is my return not working today - how annoying!)

1 comment:

doubleknot said...

Thought the jokes were really cute.
Read your post on Italliani's and it made me hungry. Enjoy.