A few minutes ago I was thinking about how easy today was and I was wondering why I never felt panicky or nervous and then I remembered something: My daughter was with me. I don't know how brain chemicals work but I have always been fine - even at the worst times, when my daughter is with me. She was resentful when she was 14 and 15 and I insisted she come to the grocery store with me, but she grew to understand that if she did not go with me, there would be no groceries. Now that she's an adult she has told me that she resented my "weakness" and then developed sympathy over time. I can't explain why her presence dispels my public anxiety. It's not like we are the best friends in the world. We've definitely had our ups and downs and have learned to avoid certain topics of discussion. The only thing I can figure is that I produce some sort of "Mom chemical" when we are together that neutralizes my "panic chemical." I wish I could bottle it and spray it on myself when I have to go out.
My Sweetie and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum at The Movie Tavern tonight and that also went very well. I used to make a secret wish that the chemical changes that come with menopause would effect my "crazy chemicals." Maybe it is happening. And on that weird note, I'll leave you with an awfully cute picture of Barney:
10 comments:
Your discription of your anxiety condition was very vivid. The mention of impotence will immediately garner understanding amongst all your male readers. LoL.
It's interesting about your observation of your interaction with your daughter. Hmmmm. One day some bright spark will discover the basis of such observations. Regretably, it won't be me.
I see that Barney the pauper is now Barney the Prince.....with his own castle even. Lucky cat. Jealous squirrel.
I avoid most public places, preferring to live a sheltered life. The chances of running into ex-felons (which has happened in the past) has certainly affected my behavior.
Funny, though I've never had anxiety attacks before, I find myself feeling anxious nowadays. And I have no freaking idea why.
And Barney? Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
LGS,
And it's funny to see Barney up there with all that space around him. Rufus takes up the whole top and parts hang off.
JR,
Wow, I never thought of that. This is not the same but it reminds me of a story of my Dad's. He went to a public park to play tennis and a man approached and said are you Joe "Wits?" Dad said, "Yes I am." The man said "You were my D.I. (Drill instructor) and I always swore if I ever saw you out of uniform I was going to kick your ass." Dad was taken aback, but then the man said, "But now that it's happened, I just want to shake your hand!"
Jazz,
Maybe it's a wariness developed from having to pee in the woods?
People who've never had a panic attack tend to disparage and be utterly lacking in empathy for the sufferer. I went through an extended period of such angst over 20 years ago following a severe viral infection. It ultimately passed, but drove me to many doctors and a shrink during the time. I guess my internal chemistry ultimately got back in synch and they passed. My sympathies, and empathy to you.
Ian
Thanks Ian,
I've had "relatives" who think I am a big faker and use this as an excuse to avoid certain things. It used to bother me but now I don't give a rat's ass what they think. The irony is if I really just don't want to do something, I will say that.
Geewits, you have my complete sympathy. I went through a period like that, and my daughter still resents me for it. On 9/11, however, she had a panic attack, and she said she now understood what it felt like.
I like your new avatar.
Barney is the cutest cat I have ever seen. Omigosh. You're so lucky he adopted you :-)
Cheers,
Josie
P.S. There is a treat for you at my blog. No, it isn't chocolate :-)
Josie,
Thanks. I'm starting to think the medicine works fine and now I just need to let go of the fear. And thanks for the award!
Barney says "Merrr."
Of course I'm a big believer in the fact that hormones play a huge part in our moods (of which anxiety is one).
Oh, and I ♥ Barney (the cat, not the dinosaur)! :)
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