Sunday, September 14, 2008

Not for the Squeamish

Tuesday morning I have to have an IVP. And yes the IV in IVP stands for IV. I do not like IVs. I do not like them in my arm, I will not eat green eggs and ham. I'd say getting an IV is my second, okay third, least favorite medical thing to have done to me. As you know, root canal is my least favorite:
  1. root canal
  2. bone reset
  3. IV
  4. mouth shots
  5. dental filling
  6. shot in an open wound
  7. blood withdrawal
  8. cauterization
  9. uterine biopsy
  10. wart freezing

And yes, I've had all of that done to me by horrible people that charge a lot of money. Evil, evil geniuses. And if you happen to be one of the "lucky" ones that have had a bone reset and a root canal, you might remember the bone resetting as being more painful. Well, okay it was, but this list is not just based on pain. The bone resetting while hideous and gruesome takes less than a minute. That doctor grabs your limb ends and yanks them apart, twists and puts them where he wants them in less than a minute. Probably less than half a minute. Yes, we scream or pass out, but then it's done! Just like that. A root canal? That lasts FOREVER.

My list is not based on pain alone, but also ickiness, hideousness, woozies, time, inconvenience (doesn't a root canal require like 3 visits what with the crown fittings and whatnot?), anguish, recovery and probably other things that I can't think of right now. Same thing about the shot in an open wound. It's pretty hideous and painful, but it's quick. A dental filling takes forever and the dental filling has the mouth shots to boot. That's two horrible things together. And recovery from mouth things? It sucks. And you have to eat. I broke my arm twice and figured out how to live without my arm for a while (the funniest was shaving my underarm - just try doing it with the same hand!), but you have to eat.

If you were a guy you might think catheterization is worse than some of those and it probably is for a guy, but that would probably be far down on my list after cortisone shot in my thumb, enema, and hospital food. It's funny but I've always said I'd rather go to the gynecologist than the dentist and if you look at my list, you'll notice pelvic exam isn't even on it.

Well back to my IVP on Tuesday. The link there says you have to take a mild laxative, but they just told me not to eat solid food on Monday. The list said I could have soups, pudding, jello and something else, which I remember as "beer."


VioletSky said...

and lots of beer after to help "flush out" the nasty stuff.

and don't forget to take out any earrings that are in parts of your body that are not your ears.

I'm so with you on the dental stuff - having your mouth pried open for so long for a reason other than talking, or singing, or yawning, what a waste.

Scarlet said...

I'd say pelvic exam would be high on my list, right after barium enema. Ugh. That was the worst test I think I've ever had!

All the best to you on Tuesday!! I'll be thinking of you then...and tonight when I have my beer. (Drinking beer reminds me of YOU for some odd reason.)

Gnightgirl said...

I read it! I'm squeamish, but still I read it, yay for me. The bone reset part did make me a little green. Never had a broken bone (and am praying that I won't soon be blogging "just the other day I commented on Geewits' blog...").

Hope your IVP goes well on Tuesday. I think beer *does* plump up your veins to make them easier to administer.

Big Brother said...

I'd have to say getting stubborn wisdom teeth taken out tops my list... ughh I've had bones set (compound fracture no less), root canal work, operation to remove a bone cyst while awake (the arm was frozen, no pain but you can still feel them hammering away with a chisel) and wisdom teeth are still number one. Good luck for the IVP.

Jammie J. said...

I think it's funny that you made a list about non-favorite medical procedures, and you put them in order. I think if I were to make a list, I'd reduce font size and squish them all on the #1 line.

geewits said...

~~I almost laughed out loud when they told me to "drink plenty of fluids afterward to flush out the iodine." I'm going to Italianni's afterwards, which is about two blocks away, and I'm going to drink and eat like a madman.

~~I don't know why pelvic exams don't bother me that much. I always talk and make jokes when I get them. Joking is not possible when hands are in my mouth.

~~I hope you never break a bone. I've broken so many, you should be fine. Do you read xup? Her last post asked about blog names and I'd love to hear all about yours.

Big Brother,
~~I've been very lucky. My wisdom teeth are straight and just under the gums and cause me no trouble at all except having tight teeth. I imagine if I had had that done, it would have been #1 on my list although, I have to tell you, that bone cyst precedure sounds AWFUL.

~~But if you had to list them in order, I think I know what your least favorite would be.

Jazz said...

First thing I read on a Monday morning... noice... (insert shudder here)

Carole said...

Gee, hope everything goes well for you tomorrow. Let me know.

geewits said...

~~Sorry about that. I warned you with the title.

~~I will.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I hope your IVP went well, and that you were able to actually have it, considering your sensitivity to Iodine...!

I have had Root Canal on EVERY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH. Yes! That is correct. Every Ef-Ing Tooth. And some of these proceedures were much worse than others...especially those with three Canals---the teeth in the back? So I would definitely put that at the top of my list, too, and for ALL the same reasons you stated...!
The very first one I had done was when I was 15, and that Dentist left a little piece of tool--(You know those thin little scrapey things...) in that tooth. It had to redone about 4 years later!!!!

I won't bore you with the rest.

I do dearly hope they pin down what is happening in your body, my dear.