No Pill, No Limo, No Sense

Saturday we were taking a giant load of Mom's old clothes and shoes to the Women's Haven resale store. The women staying in the shelter get first pick of the clothes and then the rest are sold with the profits going to the Women's Haven. As we were driving down one street, My Sweetie suddenly pulled over and stopped. It took a second for me to realize we were being met by a funeral procession. I hadn't seen a funeral procession in years, so I had even forgotten that you are supposed to stop. I was proud of his manners. This morning on my way to the church to pick up my Meals on Wheels food, I saw a motorcycle with a line of cars behind it coming towards me and got flustered because I was on the inside lane of a 7 lane road. My brain is going, "What should I do? I can't pull over, should I just slow down?" Then the motorcylce gets closer and it's just a guy in shorts on a blue and white motorcycle and those just happen to be modern cars that always have lights on and they just happened to all be tailgating each other (I guess they had all just come off of a light). Man did I feel stupid. Next time, I will look for a limousine.
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I had even more new people on my MOW list. I'm surprised they fit on one page. Not only that, but we were giving out the "shelf stable" holiday meals for Monday (Labor Day in the U.S.) and as always when we have the extras we don't have the breakfasts. So at every stop I had to go through my schpiel: Hi! There's no breakfast today, but this is a shelf stable meal for Monday because we will be closed on Monday for the Labor Day holiday. Fortunately, I didn't have the deaf lady today. But I do have a sort of new lady that I've never seen. Her meal is always taken by a man that is obviously disabled on some level. He's really hard to describe in print, but he's kinda scary and weird looking and sort of hops and makes odd sounds. Well, I realize there are people with physical disabilites that make them seem like they have mental disabilities, so I decided to do my normal line about the special meal with him just as if he were mentally all there. Yeah, now I'm thinking "not so much." He responded with a vacant look and a weird Uuuuuh type of sound and a little hop and went inside. Hopefully the lady inside is okay and can read because there were instructions printed on the box. I had to go to the Gyna Colleges* at 4:00, so I thought I'd have lunch at Friday's because that's a cozy place to camp out and do the USA Today crossword puzzle. I pulled up and it was gone. GONE! Not the building, but Friday's was gone. I couldn't believe it. I remember when they were building it. I was sitting across the way at Bennigan's and the bartender said, "They're going to put us out of business." Well that was like 12 years ago and Bennigan's just went out of business about 3 months ago. But it was their entire corporation, not that store. So now with no competition, Friday's closes? Huh? The bartender at Chili's said they were renting the spot and didn't want to renew their lease. Sheeeesh!
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*And now a short break for this joke courtesy of Carole:

Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.

They said the Pabst beer is normal.

I didn't know you liked beer.

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So as I'm pulling into the medical complex, I notice this whole long row of empty parking spaces between the complex and the hospital:

( Pardon the poor quality: these were drive-by shootings)

How funny is that? I laughed and laughed. What on earth can you do at a medical plaza or hospital in less than an hour? Deliver a pizza? Run a toothbrush up to someone? No wonder the spaces were all vacant. Talk about poor planning.

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I got pretty mad at the doctor's office when they handed me a clipboard with 4 or 5 forms to fill out. I said, "Why? Nothing's changed!" The girl insisted my insurance company made them do it. So I called my insurance company. The guy said they didn't need anything and then I made him talk to them. Writing really hurts my thumb and I had just filled out a bunch of forms at the ultrasound place on Monday. So they argued for a bit and then the claim was it was THE LAW. By then I was really mad (I figured out later I had forgotten to take my 11:00 am crazy pill and was in the fight aspect of "fight or flight." I rarely forget a pill and I surely will not be forgetting again anytime soon). I grabbed the forms and wrote "on file" over and over again on almost every line. I still think it's ridiculous. My regular doctor's office just hands you a form to sign to say that nothing has changed.

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Anyway, I get into the room and strip down and put on my snazzy paper vest and "skirt" and without even pulling out the extender thing to make the "bed" longer, I just went flat on my back and went to sleep. I've mentioned many times that I have waiting narcolepsy, so I knew I was going to go to sleep. I don't know how much time had passed but apparently I started snoring and made a loud "SNORK!!!" sound and it woke me up and I realized my lower leg pieces, which were just hanging down off the end of the examining table, were going to sleep. I readjusted all my paper parts and curled up on my side and was just dozing off when they finally came in. The doctor did two odd things. He kept tugging at my papers while he was talking to me, like "AW hell no, I don't want to see that!" or something. I thought it was weird. I'm never modest around medical people. If it were up to me I wouldn't even put the paper stuff on. The other odd thing was at the end, he said, "Do you need any prescriptions?" I still don't get that. He's not even my regular doctor. Why would he say that? I went in for a PAP smear and he asks me if I need any prescriptions? What? I should have said, "Like what?" Maybe his doctor sense knew I was short one crazy pill.