Stupid is as Stupid Does

Man did I wake up on the stupid side of the bed today! Part of it was I stayed up too late. I knew I was going to be a bit off, but gee wits! I got to the church on time to pick up the food, but they had changed our routes again. Everyone was talking about it. I got some guys back I used to have more than a year ago, and of course they left Myriam on my route (I had to complain when they took her off last year). They actually added a route so we all had fewer people. But I had different people. I stack the meals in two stacks in the ice chest in the order that I need to take them out, so I was trying to wrap my fuzzy brain around the new route. I was the last person packing up. These two guys kept coming back into the church - and I had never seen them. Finally I asked, "Do you need something?" This young chap says, "I work for Meals on Wheels and I want to make sure there is no food left here." I just stopped what I was doing and looked at him like he had 4 breasts and said, "I've been doing this for seven years. I would never leave food here." What a freaktard! Oh okay, back to being stupid.

The lady who is way out of the way and on the other side of a 20 mph school zone is now my first stop. Then I went to Myriam's. As soon as I got there I realized I had forgotten to give the first lady her breakfast (for the next day). I gave Myriam her breakfast and called the first lady to tell her I would run it by after my route, but she didn't answer. I decided to call again later. So I deliver to 5 more people, (that's 7 now of a total of 10) when I realize that I didn't give anyone after Myriam their breakfasts! How stupid is that?!? After realizing I had forgotten the first lady's breakfast, I then went on to also forget the next 5 breakfasts! I was in awe of my own stupidity! It was so big and bright, this stupidity. I was at person #8's house when I realized this. I gave her all her stuff, drove around the corner and gave #9 her stuff and then proceeded to backtrack. My first stop is a guy I've never had. My first day with this guy and here I was knocking on the door 10 minutes later, saying sheepishly, "Uhm, oops, I woke up on the stupid side of the bed today and I forgot your breakfast!" Then I go back to Richard's house. He came outside and said, "I was wondering why we didn't get breakfast today." HE remembered and he was on morphine! So now it's getting late, I call the first lady and her daughter answered and told me to forget about it and give it away. Whew! I called #10 guy to tell them I was "running slow" and I would be there as soon as I could. When I hung up the phone I was all, "Running slow? What the hell is that? Is that even an expression? What am I? A cheap watch?" Does anyone say, "I'm running slow today?" Ha - maybe I was referring to my brain. That makes a lot more sense.

Fortunately, after my route ended I didn't do anything stupid. I actually did a little fun shopping. I was relieved when I got home because I kept expecting the big stupid to come back but it never did. I guess.