The Notice I Did Not Receive:

Dear Geewits:
This is to inform you, in case you have been in a coma or locked in a closet for the past month, that there will be A SUPERBOWL! YES! There will be a Superbowl in that giant stadium that is 8 miles from your house. Therefore all local news will be suspended for some time so we can spend all of our time talking about THE. SUPERBOWL. Because it's a SUPERBOWL! We are HAVING a SUPERBOWL. We will still have a few minutes of weather on every broadcast because weather is something that we can relate to the Superbowl, as in, "It's nice right now but some nasty weather is coming on Tuesday and lets talk about HOW THAT WILL AFFECT THE SUPERBOWL."
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You may also notice that all local advertising will be Superbowl Related. Car dealerships will have a SUPERBOWL SALE. Even pest control companies. Because we are having a SUPERBOWL! Yes we are.
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Local news will most likely resume two to four days after THE SUPERBOWL because we will have lots of stories after THE SUPERBOWL about things like:
-How many pounds of nachos were sold
-How many napkins were used
-What were the most popular souvenirs
We will also have touching stories of families that drove for four days from Wisconsin because they had car trouble SIX times! As well as many "exit interviews" of out-of-towners describing their WONDERFUL Dallas/Fort Worth SUPERBOWL EXPERIENCE. And don't miss the roving fun videos of TAILGATE PARTIES!!
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We know you understand that our "news" broadcasts will be fully SUPERBOWL related for some time. Because we are having A SUPERBOWL. YES WE ARE.

Maniacally yours,
All of your locals stations (YES! All of them!)