An April Fool (Or: Not Like Other People)

(In honor of April Fool's Day, I thought I'd do a random listing of some of my foolish things.)
I think it's appropriate that I was born in April. It's one thing to share a birthday with Hitler, but it's also the 3 numbers that represent weed (hooch, marijuana, pot, gonja) which I no longer smoke. And if you ask people my age why they stopped smoking pot they usually have all sorts of good reasons, like they grew out of it or because it's illegal and they are responsible adults now or something like that. I stopped smoking pot because I thought it made my eyes look weird. I never got the red eye which made all my high school friends jealous, but I just got weird looking eyes which bothered me in some inane vain way.
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My Sweetie has a really cute way of pronouncing foolish. He'll say "That's just foolish." and he pronounces the "oo" part like if you were saying "futon." I don't know why that's so funny to me.
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After seeing so many comics about how cats and dogs just hear their name when you speak to them as in "Blah,blah,blah,blah blah Barney,blah blah blah." Now when I talk to Barney I actually say that. It saves me from having to actually say anything and I reckon he likes it just as much. Sometimes I just say "Barney" over and over. He likes that too.
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I love to type what I'm thinking, but I absolutely hate to type anything else. Sometimes Mom calls and wants me to e-mail her an old recipe out of one of my books and rather than just type it, I'll spend an hour looking for it on the internet so I can just C&P. I'm the same with looking anything up. I'll come up with the least amount of letters I can type. For instance, if I want to look up a guest star on an episode of Star Trek: Voyager, I'll go to IMDB and type in "Tim Russ", because it's only 7 letters. Then I just scroll and click around until I get there. I do that with everything on IMDB. It's my bizarre version of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon." Which I was doing before anyone came up with it.
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Before most people were even on the internet I had some sort of CD called Corel Movies or something like that and it was a lot like IMDB. My Sweetie would be playing a video game on his computer next to me and I'd ask him to give me 2 unrelated actors and see how few steps I could go to get from one to another. Okay, I just found it and it was called "Corel All Movie Guide" and I'd bet you dollars to donuts that was the basic program that IMDB used to get started.
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(What the hell does "dollars to donuts" mean?)
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If I drop any food that I am rinsing into the sink, be it a pea, a potato or a pork chop (or even something that begins with another letter of the alphabet) I throw it away.
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I can only go so long after eating before I have to floss or I become physically agitated.
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If I cook something and someone salts it before trying it or even after trying it, I can't really like them anymore.
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My birthday is over two weeks away and I will be 48, but I've already planned my 50th birthday. Does everyone plan their 50th birthday two years out?
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When I watch TV shows where the camera is always on one side, I like to imagine what's on the camera side - like what Mary and Murray were facing on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" or what was on that narrow wall in Monica's apartment on "Friends."
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I always want to respond to simple pleasantries with "And also with you" but I never do. I always say "You too!" and then I think of this:


As My Sweetie would say: That's just foolish.