Monday, February 22, 2010

A Detroit Story: Toilet Misadventures

I must start out by saying that I generally do not care to discuss peeing, but I feel like I must preserve this goofy story and it would be hard to leave it out.
When we arrived in Detroit last month, I grabbed a map that was on the shuttle bus to our car rental hub. I showed it to My Sweetie and asked him what route he usually takes. He said he always took the route marked in blue:

I suggested we take the route that I have marked in orange (above) because it seemed a bad idea to go right through the city during rush hour. I know it would be here. My Sweetie questioned the shuttle bus driver and she agreed with me. It was a pleasant ride and we were able to stop at a nice convenience store to get beer, mochas and even a diet decaf Pepsi which is unheard of at convenience stores. And the bathroom was very clean. My Sweetie seemed to think it was a longer route however. So on the ride back to the airport, he took his old standby blue route even though it was rush hour again.
My plan, after we left the restaurant where the post-funeral gathering was held, was to stop at a convenience store, pee, buy a pack of smokes and change from my new flat boots to my comfy tennis shoes. No way was I going to walk the 92 miles through the airport in my new flat boots. I may be goofy, but I'm not stupid. I had left my tennis shoes and a pair of white cotton socks out of my suitcase in a plastic bag. But there was no place to stop.
Starting out on that blue line we were passing through a dreary land that Eminem sang about in "8 Mile" and then we were downtown and then heading out of downtown was all Urban Blighty. Like this:

We finally saw one gas station in a very sketchy neghborhood, so we exited, and I ran in and bought smokes, but no way was I going to use the bathroom in there. Some dude tried to stop me and asked if I would take part in a "survey" and I replied in my thickest southern drawl, "No thanks, I'm from out of town." I walked very quickly back to the car and said, "Hurry! Get us out of here!" And then there was nothing else, so I just figured I would have to use the car rental bathroom.
We got there and I ran to the bathroom and there was big yellow caution sign because they had just mopped. The floor was SOAKING wet. I stood there with my pee-addled brain and got the idea to grab a bunch of paper towels. I sat down and balanced my tennis shoes and socks on my thighs and then carefully removed one boot and started drying the bottom to place it in the bag. The boots are suede and I did not want to place them in the bag wet. Then my nice clean white cotton socks fell right off my leg onto the soaking wet floor.
I was very irked but realized I would just have to wear the dark polyester socks that I had been wearing all day with my tennis shoes. That was annoying and not my ideal, but I continued with my balancing act and boot bottom drying and made it out of there. (My Sweetie was starting to worry about me as he did not know about the floor.) I packed my bag of boots in my suitcase and stuck the wet socks in a side pocket, and we hopped a shuttle back to the airport.
When we got to the airport, we saw that our flight was delayed and began to relax. We went to an "Irish pub" and had some beers and ordered dinner. After dinner, I went to the bathroom to floss. I pulled out my floss and set the container on my right thigh. The same thigh that had lost the socks. Just as I finished flossing I heard, "PLOP!" I was all, "Whuhh?" and quickly stood up to peer into the toilet and there was my floss in the toilet. Just as my brain registered this, the electric eye, noticing even before I myself had, that I had stood up, quickly flushed the toilet. And there went my whole big plastic floss container into the plumbing. I use the woven floss and the container is pretty large. I felt bad, but then realized I probably would not have fished it out anyway.
So those were my two goofy toilet mishaps in one day. When I got back to the restaurant, I was laughing. I can still picture that dental floss container rushing away.


OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Funny experiences in The Restroom can be a hoot! Though it is really too bad you lost your Floss....I wonder if it made that toilet back up eventually.
I was im a restaurant one afternoon and they were having terrible plumbing problems---someone had dropped their cell phone in the toilet and flushed!!!
Abd this was back in the day when cell phones were a lot! So there was a rather undecent back-up...if you get my drift.

VioletSky said...

with any luck, one of those strange fish with teeth will happen upon your floss... though how he would actually use is would be an even bigger mystery.

Jazz said...

Can't help but wonder if it eventually plugged the toilet...

Mr. Jazz said...

Can't wait til the movie comes out ;-)

XUP said...

It was very good and sweet of you not to gripe about your hubby taking the inconvenient city route on the way back.

And ha ha, Mr. Jazz

geewits said...

~~I'm guessing since it's an airport toilet they are prepared for anything, even cell phones!

~~Ewww, fish teeth.

~~See first comment. I doubt it. Hell, that's probably how OJ got rid of all his stuff.

Mr. Jazz,
~~You always make me laugh!

~~Funny how the dripping sarcasm came through in those few words. In my defense, it's hard to be sweet when you have to pee.

Carole said...

Gee, that's the best pee story I've ever heard! abcdefghijk gotta go pee!