Man have I been miserable. I haven't slept more than two hours in a row since Monday night. I think. My brain, it is fuzzy. What happened was, I started with a bad cough that became a REALLY bad cough that became a "Help, I can't breathe and will probably not be around much longer" cough. So the Good News is I have stopped smoking For Realz Ya'll. Also I've been sleeping on the couch because of the Can't Stop Coughing part. Although "sleeping on the couch" should be amended to spending my nights on the couch watching TV and dozing off, waking up coughing, watching TV, dozing off, rinse and repeat. I called the dentist's office this morning to cancel my appointment (for 2:00) because I was a zombie. We chatted and chatted and she said, "But when you start feeling better, you will smoke again." I said, "No, I'm NEVER going to forget how terrible this feels." I've found that the only way to sleep at all is by watching TV. Apparently when I watch TV I take very shallow breaths so I can go longer without coughing.
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Wednesday was horrible. I think I had 3 total hours of sleep. The whole time I was driving my MOW route I felt like I was hallucinating things like people standing behind my car. I had lunch, went to the grocery store and then took Barney to the vet. I knew Barney was a mellow cat, but the vet made a big deal about how good he was. And the vet? She looked like she was an 18-year-old beauty pageant contestant. It was weird to see this pretty little blonde animal doctor. It made me feel ANCIENT. I almost fell asleep in there about 8 times. Maybe I did. I finally got home, did a few things and crashed on the couch. But not "crashed" in the usual since. Crashed until the next time I had a coughing fit - probably 45 minutes.
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So my last cigarette was the one after dinner Wednesday night at 8:30. I have a feeling this time will be easy. I keep thinking of my Dad. He also quit cold turkey. He said (to himself), "Do I want to smoke or do I want to breathe?" I've decided to use that as my motto if I need it. I'm going to "sleep" on the couch again tonight. I do not want my coughing to keep My Sweetie awake.
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I've also been thinking about all the benefits of quitting smoking. That's helped a lot. Not the normal ones like better health, but sitting in the sections of the restaurants that I've never even SEEN. And meeting Jazz in a few weeks and not having to be so picky about where we meet. Or grossing her out. And not dreading a future flight to Europe so much. The only thing I haven't figured out yet is what to do when I want to get away from people. I've always used smoking as an excuse to escape social situations. I'm still working on what to do in the future. I'm working on some possible solutions, but nothing as solid yet as "I'm going to go out for a smoke." I'll take suggestions.
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In the meantime I will cough, watch TV, and take two hour naps. Seriously, I'm surprised I'm still alive.
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16 comments:
You are up!! Still having trouble sleeping, eh? Take good care of yourself!
I would LOVE to go sailing with Girdon, too...He is in Connecticut and I am in California...! But one never knows...Though I am unable to travel now....But he is so happy to have this little boat...You would enjoy going with him!
Some time if you get a chance, you might want to read my post called 'smoking'. It is on the sidebar under Interesting Posts....it's the only one...lol! I never learned how to do that.
Naomi,
I read that some time ago. Maybe I should read it again.
Geewits, quitting smoking is the best thing you could do for yourself. I work in the respirology and TB department of the Center for Disease Control, and I see first hand what smoking does. *shudder* You don't want to know. This too shall pass, and you'll get better. And your sleep will come back.
You're meeting Jazz??? How cool is that??? Tell her Josie says hello.
YAY!! you've stopped!!! DO NOT start up again. And see a doctor for that cough, I want you alive in October...
As for social situations, I don't smoke and I manage to get out of them all the time.
gotta pee.
gotta get some fresh air.
gotta throw up.
gotta buy some chocolate.
gotta hit the gym.
needa walk.
gotta go make fun of the smokers.
gotta go discover my independence.
gotta go find myself.
These are some good excuses for escaping the crowd.
Good luck!
Alright!!! It's so awesome that you're quitting (and what a wierd, unhelpful thing the doctor said to you).
Anyway, whatever happens, remember, "A nic-fit never killed anyone. Lung cancer, on the other hand...." It's what got me through my quit, just over 3 years ago.
You can DO IT!!
Really hope you feel better soon. And all the best with kicking the nicotine habit. Kick him where it hurts most!
By the way, read your last post with interest. Thanks for sharing...it was inspirational.
Josie,
I once saw a video of an actual lung reacting to a cigarette inhale and it was awful. That poor little lung!
Jazz,
I will NOT start smoking again. I will always remember how lousy I feel this week. Doctor? pffffT! They would prescribe an expectorant and I have that.
Benji,
Some of those sound plausible. I'm sorry about your cat, but I don't believe cats should be outdoors at all. And now I expect you can see why.
Tai,
It was the dentist's receptionist that said that. I have a few little tricks for a cigarette craving. So far they have just been the habitual ones like after a meal. I haven't seemed to have any actual chemical cravings.
LGS,
Did you recognize your blog in the picture of Barney?
It's a good thing you took action right away. You have a lot of great plans for the future and you don't need to take a bad cough with you.
I hope you get some rest over the weekend and feel better SOON!
If you want to keep the world in balance, I bet I could convince my 14-year-old cousin to start smoking. Think about it.
On a more serious note, it sucks that you had to get so sick to quit for real, but I'm always glad to know someone has quit smoking. HOORAY!
Scarlet,
Thanks. I'm all about the R & R this weekend.
Ticknart,
Not a 14-year-old! I started smoking when I was 34. It may sound weird. but it got me out of jury duty!
I've seen firsthand, what smoking can do. Lung cancer is usually quick and deadly. But I won't preach. Hell, everybody needs some type of vice. How else would we cope?
JR,
Because I drink so much, I knew lung cancer would be a better way to die than cirrhosis of the liver, but my doctor told me how to die quickly if I get COL, and I HATE coughing and not being able to breathe, so it's all good now. You gotta die from something. And I DO NOT want to be old and decrepit. I've seen too much of that and it's not pretty.
Wow. Just wow. I'm so proud of you. One day at a time, I think is the best way to handle it. You will feel better, once the coughing stops and you get more sleep.
As for social situations, it just kind of happens that you get your solitude. The bathroom is always a good escape, also just stepping outside. Everyone in my social circle knows I'm an introvert, so often I'm just honest and tell them I need a minute alone. Oftentimes, people are pretty cool with the truth. :)
I did in fact recognized my blog in the last post. The lime clock was a dead give-away but I didn't really want to draw attention to my own blog.....seems a bit egotistical. I just read your email. As you can see, I am still a regular reader although the last 10 days (due to work pressures) did make my regularity a bit irregular! LoL.....sounds like I am talking about my bowels.
Jeanette,
I guess I'll figure something out when the time comes. I haven't missed smoking yet. Right now I just miss breathing.
LGS,
I hope you get back to your regularity?
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