Don't Try This At Home (Please!)

Lolo and I were talking about comb overs yesterday (don't ask me, she started it) and she said the funniest thing. She's 31 and she said something like, "I can't wait to meet a guy my age who says, "Twenty years from now I'm going to have a kick-ass comb over.'" (I don't remember the exact quote because I drink a lot of beer and I don't record my phone conversations.) That was funny to me because EVERY guy with a comb over was once a young guy with hair. Did ANY of them plan it? How do they grow that giant flap of hair? Do they grow all their hair long first and then just have their barber cut the rest?

What really freaked me out was when I looked up "comb over" (because I didn't know if it was one word or two) I found out it was patented in the 70's. Patented. In the 70's. That's right. The era that brought us so much style. Anyone surprised by that?

Stow and Sleady Wins The Race

We were on our way home from Lowe's today when we passed the house on the corner at the bottom of our street. I said, "I wonder if those people ever finished that project (something to do with their pool and fence)? Have you ever seen anyone take so long to finish something?" My Sweetie burst out laughing. I was confused at first. I said, "Are you laughing at me?" He laughed harder. I said, "Oh! You're laughing at me because of the bathroom." And yes, the same project I started in June. Well, what happened was, that bathroom was just too hot to work in during the summer. I DID get a lot done during the fall, but then it was Christmas, and then I injured my knee. Now that the workmen have been in there and my shiny new shower is installed I am ready to finish.

Wallpaper wise, all I have left are the bits around the windows (three long narrow windows over the tub), around the closet doors (which we just removed today and I have more to say about later), and around the outlets and light switches. I bought all the stuff today to prep and repair the walls. I also brought home new paint samples because I have changed my mind about the color. After all of this work, it has to be JUST RIGHT. I was going to do a seafoam green, and do beach and ocean type decor. Now I've decided to go with a deeper green and decorate with a forest decor. I'd like to use some of my photos from Muir woods. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I'm going to do a sponge technique. The bad part is all sponges are different and I'd like to buy about 4 of them to find a pattern I really like and they cost about $12 each. I guess it will be worth it. I did the sponge thing on my other bathroom and I really love it.

About those mirror doors: We have the jack and jill set-up in our bathroom with a sink/vanity and walk-in closet on each end of the bathroom. The closets have mirror doors sort of like the ones pictured above except they are just single doors. I have also mentioned before that those two sections of the bathroom are carpeted with tile between the two sections. I know, it's pretty retarded. Anyway, the closet doors stick on the carpet. They were set too low and I've always been terrified the mirrors would just snap, because, well, glass doesn't bend. So it's always been kind of a bitch getting into our closets. We're going to move them up when we put them back on. That's going to be so nice not having that drag on the carpet and not having to worry about the glass breaking. I made a place for them out in the garage and we were out there having a smoke when I said, "Why did we put up with that for almost six years? We could have moved them up before?" I think My Sweetie just said something like, "I don't know." I said, "I know. We're just low and slazy." Then I laughed really hard for a good 4 minutes. I hadn't had a good spoonerism like that in a while (although I did come into the house the other day, yank my socks off and say, "Yuck, my wet are all feet!")

All the Stuff I hope I Remembered I Wanted to Post

First, I must pronounce that today was the official Dallas/Fort Worth opening day of the shorts-wearing season for the year 2007 which I celebrated by shearing the winter wool from my legs with the Oster Turbo A5® EquineSingle-Speed Clippers. I kid. Well, about the brand anyway.

As for my "American Idol" predictions, we got both guys and missed both girls, but in all fairness, I had given Amy a 5 and Nicole a 4.

The Shower Scene: General Contractor Guy and a new other guy came this morning and hooked up the shower light, replaced the bad baseboards, painted ALL of the baseboards as well as the door trim, and installed the fixtures. Contractor Guy even did an un-related tape and bed repair (this is the bathroom I've been "preparing to paint" since last June). I don't know if he was just being nice or if he will charge me for that. They were finished and gone by 12:45. I moved all of my stuff back into my bathroom. Everything is perfect except I am still waiting for this:

I'm hoping it will be here tomorrow. I had something similar in there before but it was old and grodey. This one was so inexpensive, I could get a new one every year. Anyway, GCG is coming back tomorrow to do final paperwork and demand money. The only thing left is they are going to clean the carpet but I guess someone else does that and I told him I wanted to wait until next week. I didn't say, "I'd rather schedule that for next week because I AM REALLY FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING TO GET UP SO FREAKING EARLY AND HAVING PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE ALL DAY." I only said the first seven words of that sentence. Out loud, I mean. Also when he said he would be here tomorrow, I said, "That will have to be in the afternoon. I'm not getting up early again." Because, well, I'm just not. I was starting to feel like a Zombie. And not in a good Zombie way either.

Weird Wednesday: I got to the church (where we pick up the food) and a senile old man that had been called to sub for route 3 had taken MY ROUTE and he was already gone. So I had to drive route 3 and even though it was my old route, there were only 3 people on it that I knew, so I had to look up ALL the other people on the Mapsco. One of them was WAY THE BEJESUS away and three were apartments, and two of those were upstairs. Hmmmm, maybe that old man is not so senile? The two guys that live together from my old route were really happy to see me and and would not let me leave. R was leaning in my truck window and yakking away, so I kept saying, "I really need to go." They are really nice guys and not much older than me. It was nice to see them again, but that was the only good part of that route.

The weirdest part of the day was when I stopped in at Italianni's for a few beers. I had already had lunch somewhere else, hit the grocery store and decided to stop in because my favorite bartender is moving to Colorado in March. Well this guy sitting two seats down says, "You're 'Geewits' and you do Meals on Wheels." and I said, "Oh, were you at Friday's last Wednesday?" No. "Have I met you here?" Then he says, "Wrong guy, wrong bar." And I could see he was getting agitated that I didn't remember him, so I said "Just tell me!" Oh. My. God. This is where it got weird (and the bartender heard this whole thing): He said, "Last year at Bennigan's on St. Patrick's Day, it was a Friday and we talked for two hours! I called in sick to work so I could stay but you left to go home to your husband. You told me you came here (Italianni's) and I've been coming here for a year looking for you." How freaking creepy is that? He even remembered that the reason I was there was because I had been to my dentist whose office was nearby. I just made a light joke like, "Well it's an insult to the Irish and St. Patrick's day that you even remember anything from that day!" Then he kept trying to make creepy sex talk and I let him know it wasn't funny and then HE LEFT! Just like that. The bartender kept saying, "He called in sick to work?" It was very strange. Hopefully he can now focus on something else for the next year. If I really talked to him for two hours last year, he must not have been as creepy or I think I WOULD have remembered him, but then I've always had an odd selective memory and never remeber icky things. St. Patrick's Day is on a Saturday this year, and I'll be back at Bennigan's but My Sweetie will be there with me.

Have a great Oscar weekend. My Sweetie and I always make our picks and he always wins, but I still love doing it. I have about 4 categories left to pick so I need to do some research.

More to Come

I'm going to post about my weird Meals on Wheels Wednesday and the final results of my shower repair (they are in there working right now) late tonight. I wanted to get in my "American Idol" predictions for the 4 people voted off tonight.

My Sweetie and I both made lists and ranked each performer on a 1 to 10 scale. According to our ratings, The two guys voted off will be: Rudy (Me: 5, MS: 3) and Paul (Me: 4, MS: 3)

The two girls voted off will be: Leslie (Me: 4, MS: 4) and Alaina (Me: 2, MS:2). I actually gave two other girls a 4, but since My Sweetie gave them 5's, I decided to go with averages and picked Leslie.

I won't know right away how we did, because I will be watching "Survivor" and then a Duke basketball game. I am going to record it so I can speed through it on my DVR without having to listen to Ryan Seacrest try to build drama for an hour.

Until then...

Ramble On (or How To Make A Short Story Long)

That's a picture of me and the people working on my shower. Okay, not really. That's a picture of three Klingons. Okay, it's really a picture of two Klingons and a drunk person in Vegas. The drunk person is on the left.

~

~

I was excited about FINALLY not having to get up early on Sunday, but I kept waking up from dreams about stuff I wanted to tell the contractor and the tile guy. I am going to make a list when I finish this. I hope I remember everything. The tile guy came on Saturday and installed the new shower pan and made the walls and the niche with cement board. He also sealed them with that bright pink membrane stuff that smells like brain damage in a can. I am not spatially oriented and he's not the brightest tool in the shed. We both spent quite some time going over my design for the tiles. I wish I had a video of it. Picture two squirrels trying to build a doghouse. Or something like that. I think (HOPE) we finally got it figured out because in the morning he will be laying the tiles. I'm tired of thinking about it, tired of getting up early and tired of having people in my house.

~

~

We finally went to the grocery store for the BIG shopping. We were out of almost everything. I was making up crazy meals lately. (I don't mind running by the grocery store on Wednesdays after Meals on Wheels, but only to pick up a few items.) We were smart and went out to eat first and I decided to try to make the best of it. It was taking so long, at one point I actually went out to the car for a beer and cigarette break. That's the way to grocery shop!

~

~

Oh yeah, the reason I brought up the grocery store: A couple of years ago we stopped smoking in the house. Generally we smoke in the backyard - we have a deck and patio. We do not have any outdoor covered areas though, so if it is raining or cold and windy we smoke in the garage and we usually open the door (it's a regular door to the side of the house, not the garage door) however, late at night and when it's REALLY cold, we smoke in the guest room. We do have a (very loud) air filter in there, but it can start to smell because the room is pretty small.

~

~

Okay the reason I brought all that up is, I was looking at air fresheners and I noticed several of them had the scent "linen." Now maybe I'm just silly, but isn't linen cloth? Does cloth have a smell? I once owned something made of linen and it had to be dry cleaned. It always smelled like dry cleaning fluid. Even if you washed it at home, it would just smell like whatever your laundry detergent smelled like. It's not cabbage. "Cabbage has a cabbage smell," as Katie (Marjorie Main) said in Meet Me in St. Louis, but I don't believe that linen has a linen smell. My guess is the smell guys came up with a nice scent that didn't really smell like anything in particular and couldn't figure out what to call it.

~

~

I looked up "linen" and it's a cloth made from flax. I take flaxseed oil every day. I wonder if I smell like linen? Naah. I probably smell like smoke.

Progress Report Day One

10:25 a.m. The contractor and the tile guy are tearing out the old tile. They actually got here at 9:00 and we discussed things, I signed things and I picked out grout. Then they left to buy stuff and now it has STARTED! (I met the contractor at Lowe's yesterday to pick out tile and come up with a design. I am happy with everything so far!)

12:30 p.m. The men went to lunch and all is quiet. That jackhammer WAS LOUD! The walls are stripped, the curb is gone and the floor is mostly out. They have theories on what caused the leak. Yesterday the contractor told me there was no work on the weekends, then today he asked if they could come back tomorrow. I thought that was a little odd. I said, "Sure!" The tile guy said he would be done with his part on Monday. That would be nice.

2:00 p.m. It has slowed down in there the contractor is putting in the new shower fixtures.

3:45 p.m. I was dozing on the couch watching Ellen when they decided they needed to go in and out eigteen THOUSAND times, slamming the door behind them. It was not conducive to a good nap.

5:15 p.m. I just walked the tile guy out. The contractor left about 1/2 hour ago. The tile guy and I discussed the placement of the niche and the decorative band of smaller tiles that will go around the shower. Then we sat in the garage and had a beer and a smoke together. I like to make friends with the people doing stuff in my house.

The light box is in place, the new drain is in and the wallwork around the "door" of the shower has been done as well as the curb (the tiny wall you step over to get into the shower). Tomorrow will be the fixtures (I was wrong earlier, he was doing stuff with the pipes), the shower pan, the cement board, the niche and the wall tiles. He expects to do the floor on Monday and be finished with the tile work. Yay! But I sure am glad to have those people out of my house!

How Rude!

I thought we would have flowers or something nice to give to our Meals on Wheels people today. They sent cookies. There was a note that said, "Do not deliver cookies to the diabetic clients." So the cookies were only for the people who get "regular" meals. My two favorite ladies that I have had for about 6 1/2 years now are diabetic and so I had nothing for them. I wish I had known. I thought that was rude.

You Heard It Here First

Maybe they should make edible Crazy String for cats.

Good idea or bad idea?

On the Bright Side!

The insurance claims adjuster was AWESOME! All we have to pay is our $500 deductible and the insurance company pays the rest - TO REPLACE THE ENTIRE SHOWER! If I want any extras, and I do, we have to also cover that. I want to get a built-in shelf or niche or whatever and also a shower light. They are also set-up with top notch contractors and I have an appointment with an estimator for Monday at 3:00. It's kinda funny that I was so mad at myself for taking so long in there with getting the wallpaper stripped and painting and now I'm SO GLAD I haven't painted in there yet. That would have been a bitch. Now I get a modern updated new shower at a fraction of the cost of just doing it for fun. Also, I finally got wise and took off my great shower head and put it in the other bathroom. I figure I'll be using the other shower for a while, I may as well not have to suffer any more. I'll still have to live with Step 5 of hell, though. I hate having workmen coming and going all day. It really throws your whole day off. I hated having those guys that built my deck over here every day and THEY WERE OUTSIDE! The guys that replaced my other bathroom floor last December were here less than 7 hours and it seemed LIKE AN ETERNITY! I will just drink A LOT of beer and watch TV. The end result will be worth it.

I saw the weirdest thing on Wednesday. I was on the highway on my way to pick up the Meals on Wheels food. I was behind a pickup truck with some stuff in the back. It looked like a microwave oven was just sitting on top of something without being tied down. I thought, "Why is that microwave just sitting there? Won't it slide off?" As I got closer I saw it was sitting on top of an oven. I kept looking to try to figure out why it didn't just slide off. I finally got close enought to see, as I passed it, that the microwave oven WAS ATTACHED to the oven. So basically it was a microwave oven on top of an oven with no stove top. How weird is that? What would you use that for? It was very strange.

I'm looking forward to Saturday Night Live. The guest host is Forest Whitaker. I'm expecting an awesome show. Have a great weekend!

The 6 Steps of Hell

The verdict is in. We need the whole shower pan replaced which entails sheet rock and tile work. Tomorrow will be the first day of the 6 step process of home repair (that I can't do myself) HELL:

Step 1: Spend what seems like the whole day on the phone explaining your problem over and over to see if someone will come out to give you an estimate.

Step 2: Waste several days waiting for strangers to come into your house and look over your stuff and write down HORRIBLE GIANT AMOUNTS of money on their estimate sheets.

Step 3: Brood and cry into your beer while you compare the estimate amounts to things like: cost of two airline tickets to Hawaii, A three-day getaway to someplace, or an entire new wardrobe. And I was just guessing there because the estimate may well equal all of those things combined.

Step 4: Make a final decision and then plan your life around having strangers working in your house.

Step 5: Live each day with all the strangers coming and going and telling you at various times that they didn't know "THIS was gonna be like THAT," and the only way it can be fixed is by spending more money and/or ordering something that will take about two weeks to get.

Step 6: Hand over a GIANT HORRIBLE amount of money to someone you've come to loathe and despise (and love in a sick Stockholm Syndrome manner).

Yay, is this gonna be fun or what?


UPDATE * * * UPDATE * * * UPDATE......

The insurance company told me not to do anything until the claims adjustor looks at it. He won't be here until Friday morning at 10:00. So I'm just going to enjoy having a high sixties degree day for Meals on Wheels tomorrow, enjoy the new season of "Survivor" on Thursday and then start the "process of hell" on Friday.

Home Repair Despair

I would draw a diagram of my master bathroom but it is nearly 4:00 a.m., so I'll just try to describe it. There is a vanity and a closet on each end (the west and east walls) and these areas are carpeted. Between these two areas is a tiled area with a garden tub on the northern (exterior wall) opposite a shower and toilet on the south wall. On Saturday I discovered that the carpet was soaking wet on the west vanity side. I had showered and knew it was shower related because my shower had been draining slowly and was backing up some.

I called the plumbers on Monday and told them to come on Tuesday after 10:00 a.m. I set my clock and got up. I carried the phone with me all day. They had called early to tell me they would call when a plumber became available. My daughter called once that afternoon and like a loon I shouted, "Call back on my cell phone! I Have to get off the phone!" (I don't have call waiting - I hate it.) Finally, close to 4:00 that Tuesday afternoon, they called to apologize and reschedule for the next day. Well, Wednesday comes after Tuesday and I had Meals on Wheels, grocery store, etc. so I told them Thursday after 10:00 a.m. Again, I set my clock (I usually sleep until 12:30 or 1:00) got up and dilligently carted my phone around like a cat would a freshly killed mouse. They called shortly after 10:00 to let me know they would call when a plumber became available. They called around 11:30 to ask if I would need any drain work because they had a plumber available but he had "no drain equipment." And that guy's a plumber?!? WTF!?! So I said, "Uhm, yeah, I'm gonna need somebody WITH drain equipment." They called at 1:30 to say, "This is a courtesy call to let you know we will call you when the next available plumber is on his way over." You gotta love that phone call that says "We are calling to say we're gonna call."

I had a roast I needed to marinade for Friday's dinner and chicken breasts to marinade for tonight's (Thursday's)dinner. I did not want to miss the phone call, so I figured out a way to marinade my pork roast with only one hand (it required rubbing an olive oil paste all over the thing) and it was quite tricky. However, I knew I couldn't clean chicken with one hand, so I was going to wait to hear something. At 3:55 they called to say the guy was on his way. In the past when a service company calls to tell me someone is on the way, the guy shows up in 15 or 20 minutes. I thought, "Great! I'll have the chicken done before 5:00 and it will have two whole hours to marinade." The guy didn't show up until FIVE O'CLOCK!

He said the water leak problem was one of two things: Either my shower pan was leaking - which is bad news or it was leaking around the tiles where the caulk was not good. Last fall I recaulked the bathtub in the other bathroom with the full intention of also redoing my shower. All the stuff is in there, but I never got around to it because it was SO MUCH MORE FUN to strip wallpaper. So on Friday (legally, TODAY) I'm going to recaulk my shower. I imagine this will be a blast what with my bad knee and all. After the caulk has cured, I will shower in there again and if it still leaks, well then it's the shower pan. Crap.

News not related to my shower woes: My Meals on Wheels training day went well. She was a cute 36-year-old and quite friendly - I had her drive me in her car because of my knee. She had recently sent her hair off to Locks for Love. I thought that was sweet. Everything went well and it was nice just to be out. I had a fun lunch at Bennigan's and then some beers at another place with a girl that I know from Bennigan's. I almost enjoyed going to the grocery store. My knee was pretty much okay for driving. The only problems with my knee were from getting in and out of cars. It's a lot better though. I just hope I don't irritate caulking the shower.