Sunday, February 06, 2011

Just Being Honest

That's my daughter and the picture was taken at Easter, 1988 by Mom. My old friend from 7th grade sends me a Christmas newsletter every year with a picture of her three children, who are no longer "children" per se. I keep looking at my friend's picture and try to imagine having three children. And frankly I don't think I would have been good at it. People with more than one child always say they love their children equally but I don't believe it. Every person I've ever talked to with multiple siblings will say things like, "Dad liked me best and Mom preferred Sally." So if these parents are all equally loving, how is it that the kids are not feeling it? My second husband had 5 siblings and both he and one of his sisters agreed on the ranking that they felt both parents had for all six kids. And to be quite honest I thought it was perfectly obvious from being around the whole family as adults.
~
I know that some of you never had children and some of you have more than one child and will profess, "I really do love my children equally!" But I really don't think I would have. Just being honest.

12 comments:

lgsquirrel said...

Actually my parents were very open about the fact that they had a favorite child. Hint. It wasn't me.

VioletSky said...

My brother was definitely the 'blue-eyed boy', though he thinks I was spoiled - there was a bit more money by the time I came along 10yrs later.

Gianna said...

I'm one of three. Actually, I'm 3 of 3. I sound like a Borg. Anyway, I'm not sure my parents loved one of us more as much as the treated us differently. I have 2 older brothers. The number 1 son was, well, number 1. Though I grew up in the boonies, and my brothers never cut me any slack, I still got treated like the youngest and the girl. Something I found really, really annoying. I wanted to do what my brothers did. I never felt loved less, just treated differently. I really do think my parents loved us equally. Just in different ways. Maybe it's just semantics. Or wishful thinking? Or delusion? :-] I do agree we had/have a ranking, though. I mean, who can compete with Oldest Son?

Mr. Jazz said...

I am an only son and my mom loves me equally...

haphazardlife said...

I never had kids, I sometimes think if I had, I wouldn't have loved any of them enough.

- Jazz

geewits said...

LGS,
~~Well, I guess you showed them!!

V,
~~Yeah, that would certainly make a difference.

Gianna,
~~Thanks for stopping by! I know what you mean. I hated not being able to do the things my brother could do just because I was a girl!

Mr. Jazz,
~~Probably not. She has you fooled.

Jazz,
~~Well yeah. I had one and still feel that way.

cabcree said...

sometimes I wonder if you can love the equally, but you don't demonstrate that love equally. if that makes sense. I'm not saying this is true in every case. However, it has taken me the last few years or so of my adult life to realize this with my own mother. She did not love me in the way I needed as a child, but I see now that she does love me...even if she still doesn't get who I am. she's just loving me on her terms. :)

mrwriteon said...

What an adorable child. I'm happy she didn't have to share your love. My mother loved my younger brother best. I knew that instinctively. That was OK because I didn't love her all that much. But, I love my brother dearly and he feels the same about me.

Jocelyn said...

I love my kids in such dramatically different ways that I hope it ends up such a basket of apples versus oranges that no one can even try to compare.

I was one of three kids and have to say my parents tried to love us equally, and in their hearts they did love us equally, but the way each of us three kids reacted to their conveyance of love was hugely different. I accepted it best and most easily. My sister resisted every overture. My brother was indifferent.

geewits said...

Cab,
~~I had the same relationship with my mother as a child as you did. We are great as adults though. She never did like children.

Ian,
~~I'm glad you didn't hold it against him.

Jocelyn,
~~I think it's easy to accept the difference of affection when your children are of different sexes. But they still feel the differnce.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I agree with you...I don't believe it when people say that, having known too many people who say exactly what you reported, too....."Mom liked me best, and Dad liked Sally...."
IF indeed the parents REALLY love all theor children equally, then the kids would absolutely feel that....!
I know in my own family each one of the four of us would have a definite opinion and it would NOT include "equally"...! (lol)

geewits said...

Naomi,
~~Thanks for being honest!