Weirdnesday

I had a very long very awful day except for something odd and wonderful that happened. I woke up wrong and left the house 11 minutes late then caught every light between here and the church. I had some new guy on my list that was so not on my beaten path. I also gave him a breakfast and he doesn't get one so I ended up one breakfast short (although that part worked out okay because I had decided to short those two guys that live together, not in that way, and they always bum cigarettes from me and so I gave them a pack of smokes and didn't feel bad about shorting them one breakfast). Then I really had to P so I stopped at a drugstore and my phone rang and MOW said they had gotten some calls and I told them I was running behind so just get over it, except I didn't say any of those words after the word "behind." The whole day was just dragging and early on when I was going 55 in a 40 mph zone, I saw a cop I had just passed turning around. I just happened to be right at my turn so I turned right and barreled down the two blocks to turn left and pulled into my first stop. My heart was racing and I was just waiting for this cop to pull up, but apparently I lost him. I know for a fact that if I had continued straight I would have gotten a speeding ticket. I also kept catching red lights, even ones that I didn't even know existed and whenever I was in a lane that I had to be in to turn somewhere, the person in front of me was ALWAYS going 7 miles below the speed limit. I could do a whole alliteration type sentence about freaks and forty-nine and fifty on the freeway, but it would involve the overuse of another f word.
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When my route was finally completed I couldn't wait to get to my grody bar for a beer, but as I walked up I heard very loud music. I hate very loud music. There's this old man that shows up on some Wednesdays and plays the jukebox and they turn it up really loud for him and he's like almost 60 and plays all this really loud metal rock. It's embarassing really. Anyway, I stood at the door for a minute thinking how loud it sounded right there and I was OUTSIDE, then I stepped in and sure enough that old guy was there and some bartender dude I had never seen before and they both looked at me and smiled and I did a hand gesture (no, not that hand gesture) of pointing to my ear and mouthing TOO LOUD and walked the fuck out of there. That may not sound like much to you but I really really wanted a beer so I was pretty proud of myself. I went to Friday's because I was craving their shrimp and because they have USA Today so I didn't have to stop and buy one and I was already way behind beer time.
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Three different people walked up and asked about my day and I felt bad because I was honest and said, "It really sucks so far, but I hope it gets better." My lunch was great and something interesting happened. Not the interesting thing I mentioned in my very first sentence but something else. After I ate I wanted to just sit and unwind before I went over to the house to get some stuff done. Two old men were playing the NTN trivia game and I thought about moving to the bar to give them some competition. Then I thought, "Nah, I feel too stupid right now." So I decided to do the crossword puzzle in my USA Today. Well I finished the puzzle in about 20 minutes in ink with no errors. When I realized I had set some sort of personal crossword record, I thought, "Hey! Maybe I'm not stupid today!" But I looked up and the two old men were gone.
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I headed over to the house with a belly full of despair because I really thought the house had been broken into. That would take a paragraph longer than the last one to explain, so I'll skip that part. I got there and everything looked normal. I unlocked the deadbolt and then tried to unlock the doorknob and it went all wanky on me and the whole section around the keyhole came out on my key. My heart sank and I was already imagining having to call 911 as I walked around the house to try the back door. I was having trouble with that lock, as well, when I finally got the door opened. So? So nothing. Nothing had been disturbed. Apparently the front doorknob thing was a fluke. There's really only one valuable thing in the house right now and there it was.
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I felt a lot better at this point and decided to focus on some important stuff. I reprogrammed the sprinkler system (with help from stepdad on the phone) because we found it had been unplugged, and called the alarm company and FINALLY got the alarm working, but when I went to wrap up the glassware to pack for charity, I pulled out my bubble wrap and found that was it. I was at the end. Of the bubble wrap I mean. I did pack up some clothes for the homeless shelter and some books but somehow a lot of time had passed. Delbert came over to get the safe instructions (we had given him the safe on Sunday) and he bought the copy machine for his wife and he also got my key out of the lock thing and got the lock back in the doorknob. So except for running out of bubble wrap everything was going okay now and I had made another $11. Woo hoo! (I get 20% of all sales).
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I set the alarm and went to the post office to get my parents' mail. I was whistling some tune in the post office as I sorted and threw out the innocent trash. (By innocent I mean stuff that I don't need to shred). I got back in my truck and felt an overwhelming desire to hear the Otis Redding song "Dock of the Bay." I turned the radio to the oldies station but some annoying car dealership ad was braying from the speakers, so I turned it all the way down. I thought about calling the station to request it but I was pulling out onto the service road and I don't like to "phone and drive" so I decided to just sing it. So I pretty much sang the whole song including trhe whistling part and I felt really good and thought "Okay, now, I'll just listen to the radio." I turned the radio back up and this was just starting



How very weird and wonderful is that?

(Happy Birthday to my brother!)