Monday, September 25, 2006

Bops and Harley

Spoonerism: Function: noun
Etymology: William A. Spooner, died 1930, English clergyman & educator: a transposition of usually initial sounds of two or more words (as in tons of soil for sons of toil)

I do this so often that when I try to tell someone something that I said backwards, I will actually say it THE CORRECT WAY. I think I'm going to start writing them down. The latest one that I remember was when my rowdy new kitten was about to attack my feeble old cat and I yelled, "Don't you futchin' tuck him!" That one was a little more complicated than just switching the first sounds of the words - I actually switched the second sounds. Or middle? The only reason I bring this up, is because I always thought it was a mental glitch between my thought and my speech. Not so. The other day I had a spoonerism THOUGHT. I seriously did not know that was possible. I've always assumed it was a speech problem. Well, what happened was, I had had quite a few beers and when I peed it was, uhm, well rather rich smelling and I thought to myself, "Wow, smells like bops and harley." My first reaction was to laugh hysterically. My second thought was "Wow! I had a spoonerism in my THOUGHTS!" and my third reaction was "Damn! Who can I tell?" Because I generally do not discuss bodily functions with anyone except my daughter. Then I remembered I do talk about "Asparapee," which is what I call the weird smelling pee you have after eating asparagus. I also discuss peeing with airline employees as in "I really need an aisle seat because I WILL HAVE TO PEE." A LOT. On a three hour flight I will pee TWICE. I wish I had a video of myself, when stuck at a window seat, madly barreling past (over? through?) two sleeping seatmates. I will not be denied. Okay, that's probably the last time I will ever mention peeing on this blog. My next backwards thought came a few days later. I had sprayed X-14 in my shower. You're supposed to let it stand, but not too long as it can cause your caulk to break down. I was running around trying to finish up chores when I had that nagging thought in my head: What is it I'm supposed to be doing? Then I thought, "Oh yeah, I have to go rinse the X-Files."

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Oh, Those Funny Celebs

EVERYTHING about this is funny, I have nothing to add. (from IMDB):

Singer Aaron Carter is engaged to Playboy Playmate Kari Ann Peniche, who previously dated his brother Nick. The 18-year-old proposed to Peniche on Saturday in Las Vegas, Nevada, while they were onstage in front of 200 people during the Playboy Comedy Tour at the Palms Casino Resort. She tells American publication People, "I'm very excited about it. Aaron is the most genuine person I know. He's kind, loving, and I love him so much." Peniche, 22, says she was shocked when Carter popped the question adding, "I had no idea he was going to do this, but I'm glad he did. I don't remember it happening. It was such a blur." The couple, who plan to wed in the next six months, hugged and kissed after Peniche accepted the proposal. Playboy tour producer and comedian Cort McCown says, "He said he was going to do it, but we thought he was kidding. He was really nervous." Peniche was named Miss Teen USA in 2003, but had to relinquish her title after posing for Playboy. Carter is set to star in a new reality show about his family, House Of Carters, which premieres next month on the American E! network

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

TV Talk

For several years there have been lots of editorials, articles, etc., on the "death of the TV sitcom." I say the sitcom is not dead. I say it is lonely. And by lonely I mean, well alone. Okay what I mean by this is a sitcom is a 30 minute show so it has to be paired with another 30 minute show and the networks pair the good sitcoms like "My Name is Earl," "The New Adventures of Old Christine," and "Scrubs" (all very good and very much "alive") with stuff I just don't want to watch. So then you have the dilemma of how to fill a random 30 minute segment of your TV night. If the sitcom you like comes on at the top of the hour, what do you do after that? Turn over to the last half of "Bizarre Secrets of the Pyramids?" And what if the sitcom starts at the bottom of the hour? Then you can either plan to just watch the first half of "When Dinosaurs Attacked" while you constantly glance at the clock so you don't forget to change the channel, or you can watch a 30 minute segment of some old movie you've already seen while you constantly glance at the clock so you don't forget to change the channel. Why can't they ever find two good shows to put together? Well, that's why I don't watch sitcoms anymore. It was too complicated.

The New Fall Season: I'm going to rate the new shows we try on a 1 star to 5 star scale. Tonight the only new show we tried was "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." 5 stars - a really engaging and entertaining show
Tomorrow night the only new show we planned to watch is "Smith," but we have dinner plans so I will not be able to rate it until later in the week. Also I should mention "Standoff" which kicked off a few weeks earlier. I would have given it 5 stars until I saw "Studio 60," so I will go with "Standoff" - 4 1/2 stars

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Absentminded Confessor

I'm going to confess to all the really goofy (stupid? dangerous?) stuff I did on Wednesday during and after my Wednesday Meals on Wheels route. I don't know if my moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars, or it's the hormones that Dr. Safely (yes, that's his real name - or at least the name he uses professionally) recently started me on, but I was TOTALLY absentminded on Wednesday. I'll list them in chronological order:

1: I drove right by the neighborhood of my first stop and had to turn around and go back. I attempted this by suddenly turning right into what seemed to be an opening into a parking lot. Then I noticed the barricade thing. I could get through but I would have to back up a bit and edge a little more to the right. I had to back up onto a very busy street. It wasn't good. You'd think this would have made my brain a little more alert for future endeavors, but that was not to be.

2: I turned left on a double left turn and I was in the right left turn lane and pulled into the left one! And there was a guy in the left left turn lane!! I was glad that A) I didn't get in a wreck and B) That guy did not have a gun. I NEVER do that, so I honestly don't know what happened there. And it's a turn I've taken every Wednesday for YEARS!

3: I zoned out at another left and when I looked at the light I had the green left turn arrow and it turned YELLOW!! I went for it and was SO glad that no one was behind me. On the other hand, if someone HAD been behind me, they could have honked and I wouldn't have sat through the whole green arrow. Again, this is not something I would normally do. I usually watch lights like a cat watches a bird.

4: I stopped at Petco to get a larger scratch post, one of those cardboard scratchy boards, some toy mice and another package of
Sticky Paws. As I was leaving Petco carrying the cardboard scratcher thing and my bag, the girl yelled, "Ma'am? Ma'am? are you going to come back for this?" Yep I left the very large scratch post on the counter. I turned around and about 5 people were looking at me. Not good.

5: I went straight to the grocery store from there. I'm okay for what I call drive-by shopping. That means I run in and get about 7 items and run out (I do stop and pay, of course). Well I called My Sweetie as soon as I walked in and asked if he had bought milk the other day. He said no and would I get a loaf of bread. Yeah you can see this one coming. I bought the few things on my brain list and nothing else. No bread.

So now that I confessed about my stupid Wednesday, I can move on to HOW LAZY I AM.

Rufus, our new kitty, has a lot of energy. We would generally exercise him by running around the house dragging his favorite thing: the belt from an old green terry bathrobe. Rufus is very young and has lots of energy. We are not and do not. Well, one of My Sweetie's vendors gave him a laser pointer pen with a clock in it (because, you know, you NEED to know what time it is when you are making red dots on the wall). Now we can exercise Rufus while sitting on the couch. He loves it!! We think he knows we are doing it because when we are in the living room, he will stand there on the wood walkway and stare at the wall, waiting for the red dot. On the other hand, when we are NOT in the living room, we don't know what he's doing in there, so it's not a very scientific theory. Exercising my cat while sitting on the couch made me think about how lazy I can be and I thought, "I'm such a couch potato, if I wanted to kill myself, I'd have to commit herbicide."

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Do All Dogs Go To Heaven?

I have to preface this post by saying that we are not racing or Nascar people. In that context, what My Sweetie said the other night is even funnier.

You know how people talk to toddlers in that sing-song way and keep asking something over and over? Like when a gift is given and they keep saying "What do you say? What do you say? Bart! What do you say?"

Saturday night, my brother-in-law the fireman made his specialty dish for the family at the Parents-in-law's house. He makes this killer crab boil dish in a giant pot over an open gas flame (I think it's a turkey fryer set-up). It's a killer meal. He uses red potatoes, corn on the cob halves, sausage, shrimp and crab legs. It is really great. We ALWAYS do it in April for a three-way birthday celebration and then at random other times. I think the reason for this one was that there was a crab-leg special. And those things were HUGE.

Anyway, we were all stuffing our faces and oohing and aahing when my Mother-in-law started asking Adam (who will be 3 in October), "Where's Boompa?" At first I was thinking, "Okay, now she's really lost it." I found out later that Boompa is what the older grandkids called my M-I-L's dad (he died in 2002). Anyway, she kept on and on with "Where's Boompa? Where's Boompa?" until someone with less patience than me jumped in and told him "Heaven." So now she started with, "Who's in heaven with Boompa? Who's in heaven with Boompa?" over and over again. I thought the correct answer was God, but I didn't feel like I was a contestant in this game. So My Sweetie suddenly says "Dale Earnhardt." Man I laughed so hard. I am SO glad I did not have food in my mouth. I laughed so hard, I started to get a coughing fit. I made myself stop. quickly finished my meal, ran outside and laughed and laughed. I can't imagine any more random answer than that. The funny thing was the "correct" answer was Shorty, their old dog. Who would have thought? Now that I think about it, Dale Earnhard seems like a more logical answer.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Oh Geez, Striptease

Oh. My. God. I just saw Striptease for the first time. I remember all the hoopla when it came out 10 years ago. The big deal was Demi Moore getting all naked. Oddly, most of the actual critiques of the movie implied it was a serious piece about a woman in bad circumstances trying to win back custody of her daughter. The other big news at the time was that it was Burt Reynolds' big comeback. On all counts I say "Uhm, no."

Yeah, Demi Moore was hot if you like that sort of athletic body with Tour de France cycling thighs. Although I am heterosexual, my personal preference for women's thighs are more along the long, lean ballet dancer look. She was very pretty throughout the film, but what was the big deal about the nudity? We've seen nearly all the big women stars naked. Hell, even Hellen Mirren was probably naked in something. I mean I've even seen Nicole Kidman's boobs and she is one of the highest paid actresses out there.

As for Burt Reynolds doing some big thing: Yeah I didn't see it. Maybe the fact that he was finally hired and wasn't playing a womanizing (oh wait he was), know-it-all (oh wait he was), smartass (uhm, he was), hot young stud (yeah he was SO NOT playing that) was a big deal at the time, but he wasn't even CLOSE to the level of performance of his role in Boogie Nights. I'd say THAT was his big comeback.

I had a bad feeling when the opening credits started and they looked like credits from a bad late 70's TV movie. IMDB lists this movie as a Comedy / Drama / Crime / Thriller . Okay I laughed once when I was supposed to: at something Ving Rhames said - and I already forgot what it was. I did laugh a lot AT the movie though. Drama? Not so much. Crime? Yeah, there was lots of that (and I'm not even counting this movie being made). Thriller? Uhm, again, not so much. The redneck/comic relief characters played by Robert Patrick and Siobhan Fallon were particularly painful to watch. If you weren't paying attention you might think someone had changed the channel during their scenes. PLUS they had Robert Patrick doing the "comedy" part and the "thriller" part. How stupid is that. How scary can a guy be that was doing slapstick?

And why was Armand Assante supposed to be Hispanic? That was just silly. Speaking of silly: Why would Demi Moore let her daughter Rumer be in this movie? I can just picture this conversation: "You get to be in a MOVIE! But you can never ever watch it!" And you know that even though she is now 18, she can't/doesn't want to watch this movie. I mean who wants to watch their mom as a naked stripper? How weird is that?

I also don't understand why, with all the publicity at the time, that Ving Rhames wasn't even mentioned. He's the only good thing in the movie. Okay I should take that back. Rumer did a great job, and I bet the soundtrack is KILLER. I DID like the music. I guess the stupidest part is I just spent all this time talking about a movie that I thought was goofy as hell.

Oh and I also saw The Phantom of the Opera today. Uhm.


Oh yeah, I loved the songs! That's the magic of the music of the night all right.

Monday, September 04, 2006

On The Whole Tom Cruise Thing

Sometimes you read an article that perfectly articulates what you were thinking. This one, written by Caryn James for The New York Times is of those:

The parts that really stand out to me are:

"The essence of Cruise's appeal going all the way back to "Risky Business" and on through crowd-pleasers like "Jerry Maguire" was a fresh-faced, unpretentious exuberance, a glee that practically leapt off the screen and that even worked in unlikely roles like the outraged, paraplegic Vietnam veteran in "Born on the Fourth of July."


"But in the past year his life has become a public relations debacle as he has gone into full Scientology mode, and he has come to seem self-righteous and intolerant (most conspicuously in his confrontation with host Matt Lauer on the NBC television news show "Today" about prescription drugs).
He now seems too strange and remote for the average moviegoer to relate to.
This summer a Forbes magazine list named Cruise as its most powerful celebrity, but that calculation was based on income and media presence, obviously not on common sense.
While Cruise's last two movies have done well around the world, he wasn't the only - and maybe not the main - reason for their success. This year's Cruise film, "Mission: Impossible III," is part of a self-propelled franchise; last year's, "War of the Worlds," was a Steven Spielberg movie. The roles did not demand much, and Cruise seemed to coast through them, assuming the audience would coast with him.
Today's Tom Cruise is the opposite of a Teflon celebrity; he can't seem to get anything right, not even baby pictures. While Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie expertly and quickly stage-managed the sale (for charity no less) of the baby snaps of their daughter, Shiloh, Cruise and Katie Holmes have been secretive and elusive about their 4-month-old daughter, Suri. There are reports that Annie Leibovitz has photographed Suri for Vanity Fair magazine, but no pictures have arrived yet.
And into the void comes more tantalizing gossip, including a widely circulated report from a British tabloid that David and Victoria Beckham were invited to see Suri but were forbidden to use baby talk because Scientologists think goo-gooing is bad for babies. True or not, a report like that alienates fans.
Such distance isn't necessary. John Travolta may fly his own jet, but he creates the impression of remembering where he came from. More instructive, when he is asked about his devotion to Scientology, he explains patiently and good-naturedly, without antagonizing anyone.
But Cruise has done so much damage to his image that his camp's best efforts at spin now seem hollow. When word filtered out that the entity known as TomKat had stopped on the road to aid at the scene of an accident recently (OK, they just stopped and waited until the police arrived), the incident invited speculation about how carefully orchestrated that little news item might have been. The same could be said of reminders that Cruise had, conveniently enough, helped stop a mugging in 1998 and had rescued a family at sea in '96, as if he were a volunteer action-hero.
Before "Collateral," he hadn't challenged himself as an actor since 1999, when he played a ponytailed self-help guru who does television infomercials in the daring Paul Thomas Anderson ensemble film "Magnolia." It was a role that may have cut too close, revealing how illusory a celebrity's public image is.
These days, he is like a charlatan who can't manage to dupe anybody. He seems desperate to maintain his stature as one of the world's biggest movie stars, even as he morphs into something no movie star can afford to be: a guy you wouldn't want to know."